


Falling into Reminiscence

by Soliya



Category: Aldnoah.Zero (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 08:08:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 43,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4659123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soliya/pseuds/Soliya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He thought that he was living his life by choices he had made himself, but with the introduction of Slaine Troyard into his life, he falls deeper into a past that cannot be changed and a script written by the one he hates the most. The stage has been set and a show featuring a long, unrequited love begins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meet me at the looking glass

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually a work from a couple months ago, The End of Paradise, which I deleted because I wasn't feeling too upbeat about it. It's now edited and has added scenes and a different title. I finally sort of have a grasp of what I wanted to write so I decided to finish this off. Second chapter definitely has more changes than this one though.
> 
> WARNING: Depictions of abuse. There WILL be prominent Inaho/Inko in the last chapter but it is NOT end game. If you find that bothers you, I suggest hitting the back button now. Also, not everyone will get a happy ending though they're all young, so life goes on, right, haha.
> 
> NOTES: It's not vital to the story, but you'll probably understand some lines more if you know that in Japan, they have a thing where "The moon is beautiful" means "I love you", and responding to that with a "I'd be fine with dying" means "I love you too".

The heat was causing strands of hair to stick onto the back of his neck. The weather forecast this morning said it was expected to be the hottest day of the month, an unprecedented high temperature for the month of May. It was followed by an argument over live television about whether climate change was actually occurring or not with both sides adamantly firm on their respective side. Inaho watched with a waning interest as one of them, face as red as the tie he wore, swear furiously at the other until the newscasters stepped in and the program went on a commercial break.

This was the state of “news” in today’s world. A laughable farce of egos and biased opinions that had the nerve to present itself as fact. And people ate it up. As long as it came out of the mouth of that newscaster with the professionally done make-up and orthodontist corrected smile, it became the truth of society. Facts didn’t matter to them. Everything was just a ploy for ratings and page clicks, and it didn’t matter who got hurt in their pathetic quest for them.

He regrets it now. It was a silly thing to watch in the morning. Inaho usually didn’t bother with television, preferring to get the information he needed from a quick search on his tablet, but today he had needed something, anything to take his attention away from what awaited later on in the day.

May 11, 2020.

Just how long has he been waiting for this very date?

For the past year, he’s been counting down every single day. Marking the calendar without fail. His nerves eating him more and more the closer it approached.

He’s not sure if what he’s doing is the right thing. Rather, he’s probably in the wrong. He has to be in the wrong. That could be certain after all the hearts he had to break and all the people he had to disappoint to get to this point.

Would his younger self laugh at him?

 

Would _he_ laugh at him?

 

Life wasn’t like a fairytale; it never had been. If it had been, it would have never come to this. He had longed to be an adult, to have power, agency, more choices. He thought that becoming an adult would come with having more freedom. However, now that he has grown up, he sees the responsibilities that come with being one, even ones that he had not foreseen before.

Bills, fees, education, careers, obligation to society, politics, the struggle of daily life.

Relationships with family, friends, lovers.

You couldn’t just think about yourself. You were a cog in a machine, a figure in someone’s life, a mentor to some, an enemy to another. Your actions didn’t only affect yourself and as a functional member of the society you lived in, you had to keep that in mind with every aching step you took.

He didn’t have the power to change the world. Just what have these hands protected?

He had dreamed of just taking his hand and running away. They would live with just the two of them. All he needed was the other and he had hoped that he had felt the same even though he now knows that he never did. It was a fleeting, childish dream that didn’t consider anyone except themselves. Fleeing from all that sought to harm them. What he had meant by that, he doesn’t really know.

But it’s a wish he keeps within him even now at this very moment, even if he still doesn’t possess the answer to it. It’s strange how you can grow so much taller, mature into looking so much older, become so much smarter, have your world become that much wider, yet you still can’t answer those simple questions from when you were a child. It makes him wonder if it really was worth it to grow up. If this was how it was going to be, if this was how he was going to live life, he didn’t want to grow up. He wanted to stay a child forever.

But such thoughts don’t matter. Time doesn’t wait for anyone. He was not a child any longer and he hasn’t been for many years, whether he likes it or not. His cheeks aren’t pudgy enough for his sister to squeeze for entertainment, his shoe size has grown, he has new interests, he knows a bit more about common social cues, the people he knows are different. He is different, no matter how much he insists that he isn’t.

He had changed and it was terrifying how close he was to the very person he never wanted to become. But, he also tries deluding himself that this was the result of the choices he has made.

He didn't think that he was one to go against it all like this, to clearly choose what is wrong, but that was another testament to the fact that things were different and he has changed.

He leans against the leather wheel of his car. It is hot from the sun mercilessly beating down on it through the whole ride here. It burns, but Inaho finds that he doesn’t mind. It was a welcomed feeling.

He doesn’t know if he’s right. Rather, he must be wrong.

He’s an adult chasing after a dream he had when he was a child.

So it was only natural to revert back to being a child to make it come true and that in itself was wrong.

He took off his seat belt and slowly got out of his car, surprised to feel the pitter-patter of raindrops on his face.

It was raining.

While he knows that this is rain from an excess of precipitation in the atmosphere due to the extreme heat, he still wishfully thinks that it’s because that this is their day and their season was rain.

He remembers the feel of rain dripping down his hair as he stood in front of the silent blond. Waiting for him to say anything, waiting for him to regain a desire to live.

He doesn’t know if he welcomes the rain though because those are memories better left abandoned and this was supposed to be their new beginning.

The parking lot is mostly empty with the only other car being an expensive looking one in the shade. His eyes strayed to the sign with those painful words that haunted him for so long. Walking past it on shaky feet, he brought out his phone from his pockets to check the time.

Almost noon.

He checks the date too, just in case. He had fantasized about this day a countless number of times, so many that he feared that this very moment could all just be a dream or a nightmare, he couldn’t tell. A part of him dreads it so much that he does wish the ground beneath his feet wasn’t real. It would soon shatter into a million pieces, him along with it, and he would wake up in his bed, as alone as the moon in the sky, yet safe and secure. Relieved.

But the dull lighting of the phone and the workings of time are fair and at the same time, unbearably cruel.

May 11, 2020.

The day he’s waited so long for. The day he wished would never come. The day he so achingly longed for.

He prepared relentlessly for this day, sacrificed so much for it. All for a dream he doesn’t even know exists anymore. For a dream the two of them probably never shared.

He is an adult now. That is why he understands how much of a fairytale the world cannot be. It doesn’t end with a happily ever after because there is so much to life and so much life to live after the storybook ends and the pages are gone.

He has nothing. No plan, no strategy, no trick hidden up his sleeve. He has nothing in his hands to offer him except himself and he might be spit on for even daring to offer it.

He truly has nothing.

But that also meant that nothing was tying him down, chaining him to the ground.

The passage of time is cruel and so is most of this world. It was always like that for him.

 

Now, stand tall and take that step forward, Kaizuka Inaho.

 

The time has come for the end of your first love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Inaho was a peculiar child.

He never cried even when he was young and adults always praised him for being so mature whenever he easily gave up the toys he was playing with for another crying classmate. He didn’t exactly understand why they would do so though. It was nothing, really. He wasn’t going to feel any loss, so if it would help the other child and stop their insistent crying, he had no problem with giving it up.

Yuki used to tear her hair out when it came time for his birthday because no matter how much she asked what he wanted, he would only respond with practical things like a new fry pan instead of toys or other things that kids his age usually wanted. She would grab his shoulders and practically beg for him to give her an idea on what to get him, but he would just give her a troubled smile and tell her it was fine and it really was.

He had little desires.

All he wanted was Yuki and the rest of his friends to be safe and happy.

That didn’t even mean that he had to be right there beside them when they do laugh and smile in that joy in living.

He found that he could easily let go of even them as long as they were happy.

You could call it selfless, but he didn’t think of it in that way. He was normal and he had things he would stand firm about. It’s just that he wasn’t attached enough to seriously hang on. It’s not that he found it pathetic to love something so much that you couldn’t let it go no matter what; it was actually rather a humane and “ordinary” thing. He just didn’t have something to feel that way about.

He didn’t have anything he would refuse to part with, but he did have something, though he didn’t know what, that he always wanted.

Nakahara Jun once said that the thing that defines you is not “what” you are, but “what” if you lose, will make you cease to be you anymore.

He still hasn’t found that.

 

So...he asks, just who is he?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The rhythmic sound of rain drops hitting the ground awakens the half-asleep students in the class. All eyes in the room direct themselves to the windows where the polished glass is stained with the tiny drops of the incoming rain. The sprinkle soon turns to a drizzle which soon turns into pouring and the class bustles with interest in the sudden weather change. Inaho could hear Calm groaning that he didn’t bring his umbrella today.

“How could you have not? The forecast this morning said 50% chance of rain.” Inko chided the blonde, displaying her purple umbrella.

“Who the hell looks at that every morning? It was so sunny today too...” He squinted at her before going back to rest his chin on his hands. “Aaah, won’t there be some hot girl out there who’ll share her umbrella with me?”

“Like any girl would do that for you.” Nina snickered. She soon latched onto Inko’s desk. “By the way, Inko, I was wondering...”

Inko looked exasperated at the blonde girl, but only for a moment, before she smiled and patted her friend’s hair. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll let you in under my umbrella.”

“Yes! I love you, Inko!” Nina squealed before hugging the other girl.

“How heartwarming, but don’t forget we’re in the middle of class, all of you.” Marito drawled from the teacher’s podium at the front of the classroom. He was the one who looked the least interested in class with his posture slouched and his phone out.

The class eventually settled back down and Marito got back to the lesson. Keeping an ear out to listen to the lecture, Inaho continued to stare outside of the window at the steady pour of rain.

He didn’t have an umbrella either.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The bell rang, signaling an end to the day. The rain was unfortunately still falling, but it wasn’t as strong as before. It was manageable at this level. He had a special sale to get to so he couldn’t stay around waiting for the rain to pass, if it ever did.

“Inaho? Do you not have an umbrella?”

It was Inko with Nina beside her.

He nodded and she looked apologetic so he quickly cleared up her worries. “I’ll be fine if it’s only raining this much. I can go get an umbrella from Yuki anyway.”

Her face visibly softened in relief and the two girls left soon after. Only after confirming that they had left the school grounds did he start packing up his things to get ready to leave. It had been a small, white lie and he was glad that Inko was the type of person to believe in whatever people told her. Not everyone could be so honest as to believe whatever came out of another’s mouth. He was the type to analyze everything so that part of her was charming.

If you thought about it a little bit, if he didn’t have an umbrella, it was highly unlikely that his older sister, who was so clumsy that he had to take care of most of her things, would have one. Hopefully she would make it home okay.

It was unusual for him to make a miss like this, but today hadn’t been a very lucky day for him. Yuki had taken longer to prepare than usual after her hairdryer apparently broke and she scrambled to get ready to go to work. It was her first year as a homeroom teacher so it was necessary for her to get to school at least an hour before it started. He had to help her with gathering all her things and preparing her breakfast and lunch at the same time that by the time he realized it, he had little time to prepare for his own departure for school. He had meant to check the weather forecast right before he left like he usually did, but that was also when he realized that the bus he normally took was going to be late according to the updates he got to his tablet. The only way he would make it to school on time was for him to rush to catch the bus that came before it. Thus, he made a break for it and subsequently, didn’t check the weather report.

Such a miss usually wouldn’t result in a situation like this, but it seems that he was just unlucky. The past couple days had seen some of the brightest and clearest skies of this month so it wouldn’t be a far-fetched assumption to think that today wouldn’t be any different.

Sighing to himself, he made his way to the entrance way of the school. The rain was light, but still falling hard enough that there was no doubt that he would get wet on his way to the supermarket and back home.

He didn’t particularly like the rain. He couldn’t freely use electronics in it. The raindrops got on the screens of his tablet and streaked across when he wiped it. It made for some unpleasant smells, though Yuki would call them “the smells of nature”. And it made the skies feel grey, moody. Just like his mood right now even if it didn’t show on his face.

Bracing himself, he ran into the rain and to the direction of the market, feeling his mood sour from the splatter of raindrops along his face.

As he thought, he couldn’t bring himself to like the rain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For the string of bad luck today, he was fortunate enough to be able to buy the eggs that were on the time sale. A dozen for only $1, the market’s most boasted sale and most popular item. He already had a full stock of them at home, but it was always good to buy them when they were cheap. Eggs were simply so useful. You could use them to make rolled omelette, scrambled egg, egg sandwiches, poached egg. Or you could use them for baking, whipping up a cream, or making light and fluffy pancakes. In a good mood at last, he noted that the rain was lightening up so he could leisurely walk back home now, especially considering he was dripping wet already.

The skies were still grey, but specks of blue could be seen peaking from behind the clouds. It appeared that it was just a passing storm.

Yuki should be fine with going home in this rain as well, he thought in relief. He had considered going back to school with an umbrella for her if the rain still kept up by the time he got home, but it looked like that wasn’t needed. His thoughts occupied, he turned the corner when something, or rather, someone ran into him.

It wasn’t a forceful impact, but the angle at which they collided made them both fall back onto their bottoms.

Wincing from the pain in his bones, he noticed that his eggs were tossed to the side, most likely broken. Today just wasn’t his day. Right when he thought that things were getting better for him, the whole reason he ran through the rain, ignoring the feel of raindrops on his face and heaviness of his jacket, was now oozing onto the cement. The yellow of the broken yolk were a stark contrast to the grey of the asphalt, but it could hardly be called beautiful. Ready to chew the other person out for wasting perfectly good eggs, he directed his attention to the idiot who would rush past that corner which was known for its glaring blind spot.

White.

That was his first impression.

The other boy, though he could have been taken for as a girl, was also sitting on the ground like himself. His pale blond hair looked almost a blinding white from the reflection of the rays of sun peeking out from the clouds. The rain gently flattened out some parts of his hair while some other strands stuck to his face while others floated in the wind and curled up on their own. He was deathly pale, though Inaho couldn’t be sure if it was from the shock of the impact or if he originally looked like the sun had never touched upon his skin.

But what was most striking were those brilliant blue eyes. Mixed with a mint green, the shade seemed to change with every movement he made.

By the other boy’s side was a black umbrella, fashioned with a bat tail and ears.

 

This was the first meeting between Kaizuka Inaho and Slaine Troyard.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“They say he’s like a prince!” Nina gushed in her seat during the break time.

“You call?” Calm grinned, only to get a light punch in the arm by Inko.

“No one’s talking about you.” She frowned. “Nina was talking about the transfer student.”

“Transfer student?”

“Yeah, well, he’s not transferring into our year though.”

“So...He’s a senior?”

Inko nodded.

“Isn’t it weird to transfer at a time like this?” Okisuke leaned his cheek against his palm. “Right, Inaho?”

He looked up from his tablet. Okisuke was always roping him into the conversation like this, never letting him stray too far behind. It wasn’t done consciously, it was just his nature and it was probably that part of him that made Inaho feel at ease with him.

“Everyone has their own circumstances. Most likely it’s related to a job transfer, considering the season.”

“If Inaho says so, that’s gotta be it.”

“You just don’t want to think about it!” Calm nudged him. “Don’t blame ya though. Aaah, what a waste. If it was a girl, I’d volunteer my services as her personal escort, tour guide, and boyfriend candidate.”

“I’m glad it’s not a girl so she doesn’t have to deal with your nonsense.” Nina looked exasperated.

“But he really is pretty.” Inko looked wistful. “Makes me lose confidence...”

“You’re plenty pretty, Inko!” Nina tried encouraging her, but Inko was lost in her own world.

“So you’ve seen the mysterious transfer student?”

“Mmhm. Because of student council.” She mumbled. “Life isn’t fair. You feel me here?”

“Instead of focusing on others, maybe you should put that energy into improving yourself.” Rayet spoke up from her phone, looking pointedly at Inaho who was paying more attention to the schedule of sales on his tablet than to the conversation. Everyone smiled wryly at him and gave Inko a pitiful pat on the back much to her displeasure.

“Inko.” Inaho suddenly spoke up, eyes still not straying from the screen.

“A, ah, yeah!?”

“What’s the transfer student’s name?”

“Huh? Why do you want to know?”

He didn’t respond. Slender fingers delicately flowing across the screen, swiping from app to app, setting up schedule after schedule.

“...Slaine. Slaine Troyard, I think.”

“Hmm...”

“Hey, Inaho, why did you want to know? Do you know him or something?”

He finally raised his head to show everyone his deep red eyes. Just what emotion lay beyond them, they didn’t know even after all these years.

“Not really.”

 

 

 

 

“Slaine.”

The one waiting by the building for him stood up from his leaning posture on the wall. Eyes sparkling brightly in the light, he smiled that gentle, template smile. “Inaho.”

“Sorry, did you have to wait?”

The blond shook his head. “I actually only just got here myself. There are quite a lot of things you have to do on the first day of school.”

“Aah, you got caught by a mob of girls.”

“How did you know!?”

“Your clothes are in disarray and I can smell sweet perfume. Unless you enjoy that sort of stuff, it would be natural to assume it rubbed off on you when one got too close.”

Slaine lifted up his sleeve to smell it, but only made a face of confusion, tilting his head in a puzzled manner. He was older than him, but it didn’t feel like him with all his mannerisms.

“You can’t smell it yourself now. It’s nose blindness. The receptors in your nose stop responding to a scent after about three to four inhalations of it.”

Slaine looked at him with an air of reverence. “You’re quite smart, aren’t you, Inaho.”

“This is information anyone can look up.”

“Hmm...” Slaine didn’t look entirely convinced. “Well then, shall we go? Time’s ticking, right?”

He nodded and they started walking together.

Destination: the supermarket.

 

 

 

 

After the eggs incident, Inaho had given a lecture to the blond boy. Describing to him the importance of eggs, looking out for other people, the blind spot for that corner, the difficulties of obtaining eggs from that supermarket’s special time sale, and the like. Slaine had just stared wide-eyed at him throughout the whole thing and occasionally nodding furiously whenever Inaho demanded a confirmation that he was listening.

It was all so strange. Inaho had never been one to talk this animatedly to someone he had just met. Rather, he wasn’t the type to lecture people like this either, but somehow, with this pale blond haired boy, the words fell so easily out of his lips and a feeling of what he observed to be irritation boiled in the bottom of his stomach. Even now that clumsy smile he made whenever he was troubled irritated him.

So, why are they together right now then?

After Inaho finished his tirade, Slaine immediately stood up and apologized, offering to reimburse him for the eggs he had broken. But, reimbursing wouldn’t do Inaho any good since they were bought during the time sale so one thing led to another and they had exchanged phone numbers and made a promise to go to the time sale together the next week. Slaine would aid Inaho in buying another pack of the dozen eggs.

“Are you listening?”

He’s brought back from his thoughts by Slaine’s voice, complete with pouting, puffed cheeks and narrowed eyes.

This? A prince?

He feels a bit sorry for Nina.

“Sorry, I wasn’t.”

Slaine sighed. “I thought so. Whatever, it wasn’t that important anyway.”

It was most likely small talk since they still hardly knew each other so Inaho didn’t pay too much mind to it.

When they finally reached the supermarket, housewives and older women were already getting ready outside. Slaine nervously stuck closer to Inaho, the scent of perfume tickling his nose again. The sweet flowery scent didn’t really suit Slaine in his opinion. “I, isn’t there a lot of people...?”

“It seems you don’t understand how this works, Bat.” He looked at those blue eyes with the utmost serious expression. “This is war.”

“War?” He looked incredulous, before narrowing his eyes again. While he did have an aesthetically pleasing facial structure, his eyes were smaller than Inaho’s and turned up at their ends, making every glare of his look all the more noticeable. “And wait, bat? Are you talking about me?”

“Unless we’ve been ignoring each other for the past half hour and speaking to air, yes, I am talking to you.”

Slaine flushed, peeved at Inaho’s light teasing. “Listen here, I—“

“4 o’ clock sharp. Let’s go, Bat.” He grabbed Slaine’s hand, ignoring his protests, and dashed into the supermarket with the trail of housewives following behind.

“Inaho!?”

“Time is money.” A second too late and you could miss out.

“It’s eggs, for pete’s sake!”

 

 

 

“Here.” Slaine looked miffed as he handed Inaho the pack of eggs he had just bought during the time sale. His hair was sticking out in funny places and his clothes were rumpled again.

“Thank you.” Well, it was to replace the ones that Slaine had caused him to drop, but he decided that an expression of gratitude was necessary. Another one of the social cues Yuki has to lecture him on so often.

“Do you honestly go through that every week?” He looked completely worn out and for some reason, Inaho thought that this look was much more fitting for him than some unapproachable prince that Nina was going on about.

“Today was not as bad as it has been. In fact, it was easier to obtain it because some of the housewives were preoccupied with you.”

Slaine groaned while straightening out his messy hair. Inaho noted with mild amusement that the strands seem to have a life of their own and resisted all of the blond’s attempts at controlling them. “They kept on touching my hair and cheeks...I’m not a doll or plaything!”

“Older women tend to like cute things.”

“Are you trying to say I’m cute?” Slaine looked half creeped out and half embarrassed.

“I’m just stating the average population’s tastes. It’s prevalent amongst the Japanese to find blue eyed and blond people aesthetically pleasing, assumedly a byproduct of westernization and the influences of—“

“Yes, of course, are we even now?” Slaine cut him off.

“...Yes.” He wasn’t annoyed that Slaine has cut him off at every little tirade he goes on. Not at all. He’s used to it, really.

“Great.” Slaine smiled at last. It wasn’t like the smile he had on when they met up earlier which was a stiff curving of the lips that looked like it came from a stockpile of expressions the older boy had. It was smaller, a little bit more tired, like one you’d unknowingly make after you’re out of breath after a long but fulfilling day. “I’ll see you then, Inaho. It...was an experience. I might try it again on my own sometime.”

He laughed softly and the sound was pleasing to Inaho’s ears. Slaine adjusted his bag and waved goodbye before turning around and walking off in a different direction.

Inaho stared at his retreating back. The wind gently caressed Slaine’s pale blond hair and it seemed like if Inaho even blinked, he would be gone the very next moment.

A Prince. While he disagreed with the image itself, that probably was the best way to describe Slaine’s looks. Vibrant blue eyes, a hair full of fluffy, pale blond hair, a gentle smile, and a calm, soft voice. He was even polite to all the pushy women in the supermarket when they grabbed their hands all over him. An English gentleman, though Inaho wasn’t entirely sure what part of Europe Slaine came from. Or whether he came from Europe at all.

It’s only now that Inaho realizes that he wants to know more about Slaine Troyard. From the little he’s talked to him, he didn’t seem entirely like the perfect gentleman his looks implied. He snapped at Inaho after his little egg lecture and was surprisingly forceful in taking control of the conversation. Inaho was sure that he was smarter than his sort of airheaded manners seemed to let on. It was rare that anyone could keep up with Inaho during conversations, but Slaine had done it easily and even occasionally overpowered him that it was often not him, but Slaine that had the last laugh.

And of course, that smile. He wasn’t sure why, but it felt so familiar, yet not and it left him with an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. An insatiable curiosity, an itch he couldn’t quite satisfy.

Before he knew it, he was calling out Slaine’s name again and his hands were once again wrapped around that thin wrist. It felt hot to touch, from his or Slaine’s heat, he couldn’t tell, but it felt just right there.

Slaine’s blue eyes were wide open in confusion and he could see a mix of both doubt and something he couldn’t place his finger on in those eyes that changed color as often as the ocean beyond.

“Want to eat at my house?” The words were out before he even processed them.

“Huh?” Slaine was understandably confused and probably a little bit more than freaked out. Considering they had barely known each other for more than week, it was an acceptable reaction. If he was gung-ho about it from the start, Inaho would be more concerned about how easy his defenses were and would tell him about the dangers of trusting strangers and the like.

“Think of it as a thank you gift for the eggs.”

“But...they’re to replace the ones I made you drop...?” Slaine squinted at him.

“That was partly my fault to begin with so it is actually unfair for you to take the sole blame for it.”

“Then you could have just not made me come here today?”

“I said it wasn’t fair for you to take all the blame. You still were partly at fault for not watching where you were going and turning around that corner at such speeds.”

Slaine flushed with what appeared to be anger. “I just moved here! How was I supposed to know!?”

“That’s why I said it was only partially your fault.”

“You—“

“So let me treat you to dinner as thanks for the eggs. Adding another person doesn’t make that much of a difference. Don’t worry about the taste, my sister says I’m quite good at cooking.”

He was met with exasperated eyes and a deep sigh.

“...Are you being serious?”

“Yes.”

“We’ve practically just met.”

“I am well aware. This isn’t a house visit. It’s an expression of gratitude.”

“I’m more than happy with just a simple ‘thank you’.”

“It doesn’t sit right with me.”

Slaine sighed again and ran a hand through his blond locks. In the orange glow of the setting sun, the motion highlighted his long lashes and elegant form. It wasn’t hard to imagine why he was popular already. Maybe that was why he was so open with him already? Inaho didn’t think that he was the type to judge people based off of looks though.

The older boy finally seemed to have made a decision and peered at Inaho’s red eyes with his blue ones. He smiled again.

 

 

“...Lead the way?...Orange.”

 

 

Somehow that smile was the most unnerving one Inaho had seen yet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You can put your bag there.” He pointed in a corner in the entranceway. Slaine nodded and did as he was told, taking off his shoes to put on the slippers that were set up for him. Inaho had assumed that he was raised in a Western background so he wouldn’t be familiar with such customs, but it seemed that wasn’t the case.

They were in his apartment that he shared with Yuki now. After his parents died in a car accident when he and Yuki were young, they were soon taken to an orphanage. It was only when Yuki grew up and quickly got a job to support them did they move into this apartment. It wasn’t large or particularly modern and nice, but it was home. He had once suggested he also take on a part-time job to help with the bills, but Yuki furiously shook her head and practically begged him to stay in school and live life like a normal teenager. He only agreed because he couldn’t reject her pleading eyes, but whenever she came home exhausted from the long day, with heavy eye bags and messy hair, he wondered if this really was the right thing to be doing.

He’s a burden. Yuki was 21, entering the golden years of her life. She should be out with friends, enjoying her youth and the endless possibilities life had laid out for her. Have a boyfriend or two, someone to care for her as she deserved to be treated. She spent so much time working at the school that he never heard her mention any lovers or acquaintances that they both didn’t know because they were all associated with the academy. Yuki had worked so hard her entire life to care for Inaho and it was beyond frustrating that he was still tying her down during the times that it was acceptable, allowed for one to be selfish the most.

“Inaho?”

It was Slaine to break him out of his thoughts again.

“Sorry.” This wasn’t the time to be thinking about such things. It was probably still awkward for Slaine to suddenly be in the house of someone he barely knows. “You can sit down while I make dinner.”

“Is there anything I can help with?”

He looked at Slaine. The one who nearly tripped on the stairs up to his apartment, almost breaking the eggs yet again. “No, it’s fine.”

“Aah, what’s with that look!?” Slaine protested, puffing out his cheeks again. Does this person understand that he’s older than Inaho was? It sure didn’t feel like it. “I’ll have you know that I am actually quite the fine cook myself.”

He looked quite confident, but there was no way that Inaho was going to let this walking disaster into his precious kitchen just like how he won’t let Yuki anywhere near any knives either. “It’s really fine.”

“I can’t just sit there while you do everything!”

“It’s really fine.”

“Is that all you can say!?” His eyes flared and he almost looked like a cat with his hair flowing all over the place with his jerky movements. “Fine, let’s do it this way then. I’ll make one thing with some of the eggs and you can make another. Battle!”

Neither of them spoke for a moment.

“It’ll...be like a competition? Of...sorts?” He suddenly looked a lot less confident.

They were wasting time like this and Yuki was going to be home soon, so Inaho eventually gave in. They were just eggs, how could you possibly go wrong with eggs?

 

 

 

 

“5 out of 10.” He said after taking a bite out of the small sandwiches Slaine had made.

“I think they’re at least a 7!” He said hotly, staring at the plate of clumsily made sandwiches. “In my defense, I’ve never used an electric stove before. I didn’t know how hot the plate actually was.”

“Mmhm.” He took another bite. “I think you could still tell by just looking if the egg was burning or not.”

Slaine didn’t respond to that, only looking frustrated and grasping the edges of the pink apron Inaho had lent him. It was originally supposed to be Yuki’s, but because of her lack of skill in the art of cooking, it never got used. It was also the only other apron in the house so though unwillingly, Slaine had no other option but to put it on.

He didn’t have much time today so he opted for a quick and easy to make curry with a side of rolled omelette to satisfy Slaine’s urge for “battle”.

“Here, try it.” He handed him a plate of the freshly made omelettes. Slaine expertly took his chopsticks to pick one up and place it in his mouth. Now that he thought about it, he had made it on the sweet side without considering whether Slaine preferred salty or sweet. “Sorry, I made it sweet without asking you first.”

“Mmm, no, it’s delicious!” Slaine smiled brightly, a small blush trailing on those pale cheeks. It was...something, Inaho couldn’t be sure what. “I’m actually used to them sweet anyway.”

“Did your mother make them this way?” He shook off those strange thoughts.

“Oh, no, I hardly remember her.”

The mood suddenly froze, at least for Inaho it did. This was not the type of subject one treaded upon when both parties barely know each other. Or was this because they barely knew each other? Anyway, he was feeling uncharacteristically awkward.

“I’m sorry for asking.” He stuffed the rest of the sandwich that Slaine had made in his mouth as a method of buying time from responding again and to just shut himself up.

Slaine smiled again with those gentle eyes and Inaho felt his heart stop for a moment before it went on as normal. What was this?

“It’s really fine, it doesn’t bother me. And you’re actually finishing them! I thought you said they were a 5 out of 10.”

He struggled to swallow it down and nodded. “I can’t let eggs go to waste.”

Slaine gave him a look that was leaning more on being a smirk and before long, they were both smiling at each other. Inaho could sense that the corners of his lips actually turned up. It was so unlike him that it was starting to scare him, but he felt so comfortable with Slaine even though they had barely just met. But, that pale blond hair, gentle smile, and brilliant blue eyes all felt so familiar to him and caused a rush of some emotion he could not decipher into his chest. It was a foreign feeling, so foreign to the point that he wasn’t sure if it was really coming from him. But that was a silly thought. Who other than himself would feel what he’s feeling right now?

“Naooooo, I’m hooome!” It was Yuki.

“Yuki, welcome back.” He took off his apron and went to the entranceway to see Yuki taking off her shoes and setting down her bag.

“Hehe, I’m back, Nao!” She draped herself over him and gave him a tight squeeze. “And you have a friend over!”

It seemed that she saw Slaine from behind Inaho’s back. She let go of him and walked over to where Slaine was in the kitchen, still wearing the pink apron he noted.

Holding out a hand, she smiled brightly, assumedly in an effort to calm the shaking boy’s nerves. “I’m Kaizuka Yuki. I’m Nao’s sister!”

It seemed to do the trick as the tension from his face gradually washed away and he shook her outstretched hand as he smiled, though it was one of those more practiced ones. “I’m Slaine Troyard. It’s very nice to meet you.”

“...?” Something flashed across her eyes and she almost looked like she would pull away before she forced a smile back onto her face.

“Is there something the matter?” Slaine’s blue eyes peered at her.

“No, no...It’s just...” She pondered over it for only a moment before it looked like a light bulb sprang to life in her brain. “Ah, you must be the transfer student!”

“Yes, today was my first day.”

“Welcome to Aldnoah Academy! I’m not sure if you already know, but I’m a teacher there!” She bounced with excitement. “I can’t believe you’re this close to Nao already! Have you two met before or something?”

“It’s kind of a long story.” Slaine wryly smiled.

“Yuki, Slaine, sit down, the curry is almost done.”

“Tell me all about it then. I honestly can’t believe that Nao’s inviting you over so soon. You know how he is, right? I was always worried about him making friends, thank god that Inko and the rest are such dears, but—“

“Yuki.”

“Alriiiight.”

She winked at Slaine with a thumbs up sign and Inaho could tell that tonight’s dinner would be a rowdy one.

 

 

 

 

“Ohh, you made these?” Yuki’s eyes sparkled as she reached for one of the sandwiches Slaine had made.

“Ah, yes...It’s apparently a 5 out of 10 though so you don’t need to force yourself to eat it.”

Inaho ignored Slaine’s pointed glance.

“5 out of 10 is great! I’m lucky to even get a 2 from him.” She took a bite. “MMm, it’s good! What are you talking about!? Well, not as good as Nao’s cooking if I do say so myself.”

“Yuki.”

“Oh come on, I’m just joking.”

“No, I understand, it’s true.” Slaine took another mouthful of the rolled omelette.

Yuki set down the sandwich to stare at Slaine for a bit. “Where were you raised, Slaine? You’re pretty good with chopsticks.”

This wasn’t necessarily the best direction for the conversation to go towards. Talk about Slaine’s origins would no doubt lead to talk about his parents and it might make him uncomfortable despite him saying that it doesn’t. It would be different to tell it to an adult like Yuki, not even considering the fact that she was a teacher at their school.

Slaine slightly nudged his foot with his own and he looked up to see him smiling reassuringly.

“I was born and raised in Sweden. I only moved here because of my father’s work.”

“And yet you’re already good at the language? Just how many do you know?” Yuki looked impressed.

“I’m fluent in about five, and can understand about another two.”

“That’s amazing!”

“It’s something anyone can do with enough study.”

“You sound like Nao.” Yuki sighed and peered over to him. “Did you know that Nao’s the top of his grade? He’s amazing too!”

Surprise lit up on Slaine’s face and he held his hands over his mouth. “That is amazing. I heard Aldnoah Academy is quite rigorous for its academics too.”

“Right, right?” She stuck her nose up high.

“Yuki, it’s not a competition.” He placed the last rolled omelette onto her plate.

He only did what was expected of him as a student. Study hard, get scholarships, and lessen her burden. That’s all that he could do for her.

“I just want to tell everyone how awesome you are, Nao.” She pouted. “Well, you are my younger brother after all, hehe.”

“I don’t think has anything to do with it. You did average in your studies, did you not?”

“Geh, don’t mention that.”

“You were the one who brought it up.”

They were interrupted by a soft chuckle.

“Ah, no, I wasn’t laughing at you two.” He quickly waved his hands, but the smile on his face was still apparent. “I was just thinking how nice it is to see how you’re both so close.”

“Yuki just acts younger than her age.”

“Nao!”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Slaine’s eyes were filled with warmth and Inaho couldn’t really bring himself to look directly at them. “It’s a wonderful thing to have a good relationship with your family.”

Yuki leaned from her seat to wrap her arms around Inaho’s head again, much to his embarrassment. “Yuki, you’ll get your hair on the food.”

“Lemme just hug you for a little, god!” She nuzzled his hair and he was reminded that it had been awhile since she had last done so. “Slaine, take my phone and take a picture of us!”

“Yuki...” This was more than a little bit embarrassing. She was acting like an overly proud parent, though he guessed she was somewhat like his parent figure. Even if he did have to take care of her most of the time.

She reached out to give Slaine her phone and their fingers momentarily touched. Inaho could feel her body reflexively flinch again, but couldn’t figure out why. Static electricity perhaps?

“Alright...” Slaine had already gotten out of his seat and was positioning the camera. “Three...two...Inaho, would it kill you to smile?”

“I am.”

“I’ve long given up on him for these things! Just go ahead with it!” Yuki squeezed him tighter and he could feel her body heat transferring to him. He had always been weak to the cold and it was always Yuki who shared her warmth, her love, and her care with him.

“Wait, actually, Slaine, you come in it too!” She motioned for him to put himself in the photo as well. “For the first time Nao brought you home!”

“Huh? But how am I supposed to...?”

“Position it like you would take a self-photo.”

“Selfie, selfie!” Yuki squealed.

“If you say so...” Slaine looked skeptical, but nonetheless, positioned the camera again, this time letting his eyes show up in it.

 

Three...

 

Two...

 

One.

 

He really had been smiling then.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Inaho?”

“Hm?”

Inko was leaning to get a better look at his face, her amethyst eyes colored with concern. “Are you okay...? You don’t look so good.”

He rubbed one of his eyes and leaned back onto his chair. “Yeah, I just didn’t get much sleep last night.”

After he had seen Slaine off last night, he worked on his homework for a bit before turning in for the night, feeling uncharacteristically tired. It was then that he saw what would better be described as a nightmare.

It was a world with a broken moon.

The murder of a Princess.

Huge castles piercing the Earth’s surface and eradicating all life for miles.

Huge machines towering over people and crushing them as if they were bugs on the ground.

People dying left and right. Homes being destroyed with the lift of a finger.

No care for the loss of life.

His hands losing their grip on someone important.

Revenge, hatred, the fear of losing his loved ones.

Golden blond hair and innocent green eyes.

The wide, blue sky overhead as birds flew free, so unlike himself and the girl who stood by him. Trapped on Earth.

A silver pendant.

Near death. The aid of another.

A bat.

Blood on his hands.

Blood flowing directly down his face.

Warmth flowing into him from the hands that so tightly held onto his own.

His hands losing their grip on someone important.

The ground beneath his body as he crawled and dragged his body close.

 

And...

 

 

 

He had woken up there, sweating and unable to move. It was like watching a movie where events were stringed along together, but he couldn’t feel anything for them or the pain the characters in it experienced. Even if one of them was himself. He just blankly watched as they moved towards their goals and ideals, beautiful and noble in their cause but foolish in their actions. He could understand why they did what they did, but the emotional attachment was not there.

All that he felt as he was forced to watch was fear and a building sense of irritation.

If you looked at a story from an outside perspective, people would always seem stupid. Always making the wrong decisions, always trusting the wrong people, always leaving everything to their emotions when reason pointed the other way.

He was known to be rational at all times, yet the Inaho that appeared in his dream was so unlike him. It wasn’t in obvious ways like his behavior or personality, but in little actions, little decisions, there was something that did not fit, that did not click.

He could not accept that this was him.

The only face in his dream that was clear was his own. Everyone else in it was blurred out, but he could tell that some were people he knew even now. Inko, Calm, Nina, Rayet, his sister. They all appeared.

He did not know who the Princess his dream self so badly wanted to protect was.

 

But alas, it was all a dream. The silly sort of dream that middle schoolers would fantasize about. Becoming a hero and taking down bad guys while protecting a princess were what all young boys had dreamt about at least once in their lives.

It just wasn’t something that Inaho envisioned himself doing.

 

“Are you okay? Do you want to maybe sleep at the nurse’s office?” Inko still looked worried.

“No, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m fine, Inko. Thanks for worrying though.”

She was unconvinced, but seeing as how he wasn’t going to budge, she gave up and went back to her seat.

He looked outside of the window. The skies were grey, a fitting color for what he felt.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Ah, it’s Slaine.”

All of his friends turned to where Inaho was looking at. There was Slaine again, though this time, not surrounded by girls. A rare sight.

“Aaah, he really is pretty.” Nina sighed.

“Looks weak to me.” Rayet commented, directing her attention back to her phone.

“I bet all the guys in school are too weak to you. Isn’t that a sign you have to be more feminine?” Calm complained to her, only to receive a swift chop to the stomach.

“Inaho?” It seemed that Slaine had noticed them with all the noise they were making. He made his way over to them. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Neither did I. Aren’t you a senior? They usually don’t come to this area.”

Slaine looked a bit bashful as he scratched his cheek. “Ah, well, I kind of got lost...This academy is just so big.”

“I can take you there.”

“Really? That’d be great!”

“Uhh...Inaho...?”

He forgot that he was with his friends. They were all looking wide-eyed at him and Slaine, but mostly at Slaine.

“Wanna introduce us?” Okisuke cheerfully suggested. He was always the first to dive into situations like this. Whether that came from his outspoken personality or from how he simply just doesn’t think was unclear.

“Pardon me. I’m Slaine Troyard. A senior.”

“We know. I’m Calm!” Calm held out his hand for a handshake and Slaine hesitantly took it.

There was that look again.

Calm acted exactly the same as Yuki did when she first met Slaine. There was an expression of doubt before Calm shook his head and retreated back to the depths of the group.

Soon the rest of the group was introduced and the warning bell rang, signaling for the students to make their way to their next classroom. Inaho’s group of friends quickly left with Inko and Calm leading the pack and Inaho decided to hurry and take Slaine to wherever he needed to be.

“Thank you for this.” Slaine appreciatively smiled as they walked to one of the halls.

“It’s on my way. I don’t take the same class as everyone else for this period.”

Slaine looked skeptical, but didn’t question him. Which was good because that was a bald-faced lie.

“You look tired. Did you sleep late after I left last night?”

“No, I just didn’t sleep very well.”

“Bad dream?”

“More like nightmare.”

Slaine paused. “I...see. What kind?”

“It was some fantasy world with huge fighting robots like that one movie, Transformers.”

“What were you doing in it?”

“Piloting.”

Slaine laughed. “So even someone like you wants to be a hero!”

“Not necessarily. I just remember him feeling distressed and desperate.”

“Him?”

“I suppose you could say me. It didn’t really feel like it was me though. It was more of a third person view.”

“...Well, it’s just a dream. You don’t necessarily have to relate to it.” Slaine smiled that unnerving smile again.

Something caught his eye. It was Slaine’s wrist, the very one that he had grasped the other day before he leapt into the crowd at the supermarket.

There was a purple mark on it.

He quickly grabbed it and raised it up for both of them to see. “What happened here?”

Slaine’s face morphed into one of pain and Inaho loosened his grip. “Nothing.”

“This can’t be nothing. It wasn’t there yesterday.”

“What does it matter to you?” Slaine glared at him, his eyes telling him to stay away from the subject.

He broke his wrist free from Inaho’s grasp and started to walk away when Inaho caught up to him and stood to block his way.

“What are you doing, Orange?”

“I was wondering about that...How did you get that nickname?”

He stared at him for a second before looking out to the windows of the hall. “The orange scented everything in your house. Where did you get ‘Bat’?”

“Your umbrella.”

Slaine tried moving past him, but Inaho simply moved over to block him again.

“Just leave me alone.”

“No, we’re going to the nurse’s office.”

That got him worked up.

“Absolutely not!”

“Why? Is the reason for it something you can’t let others find out?”

Slaine closed in on him and their faces were only inches apart. “Of course.” He scathed.

Inaho could feel the tickle of his breath, smelling faintly of mint, assumedly his toothpaste. If it wasn’t for the situation, he would think of it as...Well.

“You’re smart, Inaho. I know you already have everything figured out even if I don’t say a word. So just leave it be.” He glared, emphasizing the last three words with a startlingly cold voice. He started to move past when Inaho grabbed his other wrist.

Those blue eyes flared and it was dazzling, but there were more important matters to focus on.

“The nurse usually isn’t in right after lunch. If we hurry, we can at least grab an ice pack before she returns.”

He squeezed his wrist and though it wasn’t the one with the painful mark, Slaine still winced.

 

 

“Fine.”

 

 

 

 

True to his word, the nurse was still not in the office so he hurried in and grabbed one of the ice packs from the fridge before hurrying out to where Slaine was waiting for him.

Under the shadows of the trees in the courtyard, Slaine was sitting in a daze, staring at seemingly nothing, thinking about absolutely nothing. He silently made his way to Slaine’s side and plopped down, offering him the freshly stolen ice pack.

Only nodding, Slaine took it and gingerly held it to his bruising wrist.

Inaho started to wonder if Slaine had other marks along his body, but he knew better than to ask. Slaine would likely thrash him for being so tactless.

It suddenly came to his mind that he hadn’t seen Slaine smile at him today. His smiles were given out almost for free before that it felt strange that he had only seen Slaine angry so far today. But that was so much more natural than the things he saw before and he found that he preferred him this way.

“You said you came for your father’s work, correct?”

Slaine nodded, not looking at him.

This wasn’t the time to be tactful so he asked straight up. “And your mother?”

Those blue eyes, heavily lidded, peered at him and a shiver ran down his spine. The look quickly dissipated into another one of his stock smiles. “She divorced him so I don’t know where she is now.”

“I see.” He had initially thought that his mother had passed away, but it seemed that she was still alive. He thought it strange that the mother wouldn’t have custody over the child, but judging from how Slaine didn’t even know where she was now, implying that they haven’t met since, she probably didn’t fight hard for custody rights.

“Hey, Inaho.”

“Yes?”

“Will you hold my hand?”

Now he was the one to look at Slaine in confusion. The blond simply kept smiling though as he offered up one of his palms, the one that wasn’t bruised.

“I’m feeling lonely all the sudden and it’s probably your fault. Take responsibility for what you’ve done.”

“I would suggest not wording it like that.”

“Please?” He tilted his head and looked like he would become lost if Inaho didn’t take that outstretched hand.

Almost as if he was comforting him, and in a way he was, he took that slender hand into his and was surprised by how cold it was.

He wasn’t one with a particularly high body temperature himself, but he could feel his body heat being stolen away by Slaine. It didn’t bother him though. If there was anyone he wanted to have it, it was Slaine.

He saw flashes of scenes from his dream.

When he couldn’t protect his friend, when he first killed another human being, when he first turned on another, when he looked at the world in a different light because of one girl who stormed into his life, when he couldn’t protect the one who was supposed to be precious to him, when he hated another with all his heart.

 

His left eye slowly started to hurt, but he did not and could not let go of Slaine’s hand.

And just how could he let go when he was smiling ever so gently, like a lost child who had found its mother at last?

 

 

 

How could he?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Where did you go?” Calm asked when he finally returned to class.

“Nurse’s office. I felt sick.” He was slightly sickened by how easily that lie flew out of his mouth.

“All the sudden?” Inko looked worried again. “You did look bad this morning...”

“I’m fine now.”

“Do you not want to go to the game center with us today then?” Nina asked. It had been set up by Okisuke who wanted to party since last week was full of tests.

He was about to respond that it was fine, he could go when he remembered Slaine. That purple bruise on his wrist, who it probably came from, that look of defeat in his eyes, that weak smile. That relieved look when Inaho took his hand into his own.

“...Yeah, sorry, but I think I’ll pass. My head kind of hurts too.”

Inko was immediately on him. “I’ll walk you home then!”

“No, go enjoy yourself. I’ll be fine, Inko.” He shook his head, not telling her on purpose that as the girl, she shouldn’t be so gung-ho for escorting someone home. He was making progress on these social cues. He wasn’t planning on going home straight away anyway, not that he could tell that to them.

She looked like she wanted to protest, but he quickly packed up his things and was out of the door to the classroom, phone already out.

Sending a text message to Slaine Troyard.

 

 

 

 

Slaine was waiting for him at the convenience store nearby school.

“I didn’t think you would actually come.”

“You’re the one who said you’d tell everyone if I didn’t come!”

“Tell everyone what?”

Slaine stared at him in disbelief before sighing. “Want one? I got it while I was waiting for you.”

It was a white chocolate chip cookie.

“You prefer white chocolate?”

“Hm?” His mouth was already full of his own. “Not really. I don’t have a preference.”

“I see...” He didn’t bring up that he preferred white chocolate.

“Well, what is it this time? I thought you bothered me enough after lunch.” Slaine’s pale blond hair shone white in the light, just like it did when they met for the first time on that rainy day.

“Want to eat at my house again?”

“Again!?” Slaine looked exasperated. “I thought that was just a one-time thing?”

“Don’t worry, it’ll just be leftovers. I made too much yesterday.” Slaine still looked unwilling so he continued on. “I originally only made that much because we had you over so it was an overestimation of the amount of curry I would need. Thus, it is partly your fault so you should come over and help finish it. Curry doesn’t last that long in this heat.”

“At this rate, our whole relationship is just going to be full of this kind of thing.” Slaine gave an exasperated sigh.

“Then let me rephrase it. Come over and eat. It’ll be my treat.”

“I thought you just said it would be leftovers.”

“Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, Slaine.”

Slaine pulled a hand through his hair again and Inaho caught sight of his bare neck, stray strands of hair sticking to it with sweat, probably from staying outside while waiting for Inaho. “Oh, whatever! Let’s call it even after this, okay!? Friends shouldn’t operate on a basis of blame and debts in the first place.”

“We’re friends?”

“Ha? We’re not?” Slaine looked as if he might smack him.

“It was a joke.” They had eaten together, shared a more unpleasant secret together, and have fought in the time sale wars for eggs together. He wasn’t against calling them friends already.

“Save those for when you don’t have a resting poker face...” Slaine let out a sigh of relief and Inaho could barely make out him muttering, “I thought for a second you didn’t consider me your friend...”

“So, you’ll come?”

“...If you say please.” Slaine smiled.

“...........”

“Guess I’ll just go home then. Have fun with your curry!”

“Please.”

“Please what?”

He was starting to get irritated at that barely-holding-back-my-laughter grin.

“...Please help us finish our curry. I don’t want Yuki to gain weight.”

“That’s quite rude of you...But, since you asked so nicely, gladly.” He held out his hand and Inaho just stared at it.

Neither of them spoke.

 

“Please?” He tilted his head and despite himself and a part of his brain warning him not to, Inaho took it.

 

It was slightly sticky with sweat and his left eye was starting to burn again, but he couldn’t let go of it.

 

How could he when he smiled ever so gently and the purple hue on his wrist remained in plain view?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Thank you so much again.” Slaine smiled at Yuki after dinner. His bag was in his hands and his shoes were already put back on to leave.

“No, no, it’s great to have you over!” She grinned. “Nao seems livelier too!”

“I’m glad for that then.” Slaine looked smugly at him, but Inaho ignored it.

“Yuki, I’ll go see Slaine off so you go finish your work. That paperwork has to be done by tomorrow, right?”

“Ah, I totally forgot! Thanks, Nao! Bye-bye, Slaine! Have a safe trip home!” She rushed off back inside the house and Inaho put on his shoes.

“You’re going to walk me to my house?” Slaine was apprehensive.

“No, I need to go get something from the convenience store.”

“I thought it was something like that.” The older boy sighed. “Weren’t we there earlier? Why didn’t you get it then?”

He paused, then grabbed his keys from their spot by the entrance way. “I forgot then. Let’s go.”

Slaine didn’t look like he entirely believed him and he had to admit it was a poor excuse himself. But that couldn’t be helped. His mind strayed to the large amount of messages that had reached his phone during dinner.

Sender: Amifumi Inko.

 

 

 

He parted with Slaine halfway on his way to the convenience store thankfully. He had a sneaking suspicion of what Inko called him out for and didn’t want either of them seeing each other. He mused to himself that he was acting like a guilty husband meeting his wife after cheating on her with a secret mistress. Though he wasn’t in that sort of relationship with Inko or Slaine.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Inko.”

The girl was leaning against the wall of the convenience store. Even though the days were warm, it was still cold at night. A girl shouldn’t be carelessly freezing her body like this.

“Inaho...” She looked up at him, concern and despair apparent in her amethyst eyes. He knew the cause of it, but wasn’t sure of why it would make her feel this way.

“You want to talk, right? Let’s go to the park.”

She weakly nodded and followed behind him as they both walked to the neighborhood park that they used to frequent when they were younger. Plopping down on one of the swings, he motioned for her to do the same.

Neither of them spoke.

He didn’t feel like it was his right to start the conversation so he simply waited for her to feel ready enough to ask what she so desperately wanted to know. Whether he could answer honestly was another question.

“Inaho...why did you lie?”

He turned his head to look at her. She wasn’t looking at him.

“You were...meeting with Slaine, right?”

“Yeah.” That wasn’t something he was going to bother hiding.

“Why did you lie about it?”

“I can’t tell you that.” It would mean he would have to go into detail about the bruise on Slaine’s wrist and that wasn’t something he was allowed to talk about. Especially not after witnessing those pleading blue eyes beg him not to tell a soul, even if it hurt him again.

“I...see.” She wasn’t asking more. He and Inko had known each other for a long time. She knew by now that if he wasn’t going to answer, he wasn’t going to answer, no matter how much she pried. “Why do you care so much about him? You’ve barely just met, right?”

“I wonder.” He began moving his legs back and forth, the swing taking his momentum and pushing him forward and back. “I don’t have an answer to give you on that.”

“What does that even mean?” Inko lowered her head, hands clenching the sides of the swing.

“I don’t know.” He really didn’t. He felt a strong familiarity with Slaine, but that didn’t make sense considering they did barely just meet like Inko said. And even now, he didn’t know Slaine that well and Slaine shouldn’t know him well either. But that gentle smile brought up something within him that he didn’t even know was there and his slender hands kept bringing up a side of him that shouldn’t exist.

Sometimes when he was with Slaine, it felt like he was becoming a different person and that was frightening. Yet he couldn’t stop.

It was irrational, but he thought that if he stayed with Slaine he would find out the answers to all the questions swirling within his mind and be rid of the sinking feeling weighing in his stomach.

“Don’t you know practically everything?” It was a statement done out of frustration, he could tell.

“I only know what I know and what I look up.”

Inko snorted at that. “Sometimes I feel like your best friend is that tablet of yours.”

“That’s not true, a tablet cannot be a friend.”

But he had made a new friend today in Slaine.

He recalls Slaine’s dumbfounded expression when asking if Inaho didn’t consider him a friend and feels a bit more firm in his resolve.

“I’m joking, Inaho.”

“I see.”

Silence reigned between them again. He glanced over to see that she had finally raised her head and was looking up to the moon above.

Its crescent shape reminded him of the broken remains of it from his dream. To the Japanese, the moon was more than just a satellite to Earth. It was a rabbit in the sky, making rice cakes. Its reflection in clear waters was Izanagi’s mirror. It was your only companion in the darkness of the night, the only thing that would never leave you.

It was a thinly veiled “I love you”.

In a world with no moon, how did they express such intense yearning? Or perhaps it was taboo to be accepting of death in a world where even if you weren’t ready for it, it came mercilessly.

“Inaho.” Inko’s voice sounded uncharacteristically clear and held a power to it that she hadn’t displayed when talking into a microphone for student events.

She was going to say it.

 

 

“Stay away from Slaine Troyard.”

 

 

“......Why?”

While he figured it was something like this, he didn’t understand the reasoning behind it. Didn’t Inko just meet him today? On what basis was she saying those words? On what basis did she come to resent another person like this? She wasn’t the type of girl to be overcome with hatred like this.

 

But it was clear to see.

She hated Slaine.

 

“I...can’t tell you.” She shut her eyes tight. “But please...just listen to me this one time, Inaho...Stay away from him...!”

“Inko...” His heart hurt to see her like this, but he also couldn’t accept her request so easily. Not when there were so many questions left. Not when Slaine was still wearing that fake smile while the bruises on his body increased by the day. “Tell me the reason why. Didn’t you just meet him today?”

She looked hurt that he didn’t agree right away, and he could see in her eyes that she was already starting to give up.

She wasn’t wrong to do so. If he was questioning, it meant he had his doubts. And if he had his doubts, it meant that he had already made up his mind. There was nothing she could do to change it.

 

“You’ll get hurt, Inaho.”

“He hasn’t hurt me.”

“But he will!”

“How do you know?”

“Inaho...” Tears started spilling out of her eyes. “Just listen to me this once...!”

Startled by her tears, he quickly stopped swinging and rushed over to her. She hung onto his sleeves and wet them with her tears, but he didn’t mind.

“Inaho...just...forget about him...please...”

 

I don’t want to go through that again. I don’t want you to go through that again.

 

He wasn’t sure what she meant by that, but she was in no state to ask. The only sound in the park was Inko’s cries and they stayed like that till there were none left for her to shed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once he dropped Inko off at her home and made it back to his, he shut the door and slid down it.

Stay away from Slaine Troyard, huh.

He had never seen Inko like that before. He had never seen her hate someone so openly as if he was the one who had killed her parents or similar. In the end, he couldn’t promise he would do as she asked. He still had so many questions he wanted answer, even more now that she had opened up a new door of them.

His left eye started to sting again and he slid down the door to rest his chin on his knees, placing pressure on it to relieve the pain. His sleeves still felt wet from Inko’s tears and his heart felt heavy. He obviously didn’t want to hurt them, but he wasn’t going to allow himself to listen to their every word when he wasn’t satisfied with the logic behind it.

Nakahara Jun once said that the thing that defines you is not “what” you are, but “what” if you lose, will make you cease to be you anymore.

He felt like maybe his “what” might be Slaine Troyard.

The name was melodious to his ears, like they’ve heard it so often that it’s become a part of them now.

Even though he feels like the worst for causing Inko so much grief, his lips involuntarily moved up to form what was most likely a disgusting and unforgivable smile.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That night he saw the dream again.

This time, everyone’s faces were clear. He wasn’t a third party, he was actually experiencing it.

He was living it.

 

The world with a broken moon.

The murder of a Princess.

Huge castles piercing the Earth’s surface and eradicating all life for miles.

Huge machines towering over people and crushing them as if they were bugs on the ground.

People dying left and right. Homes being destroyed with the lift of a finger.

No care for the loss of life.

His hands losing their grip on someone important.

Revenge, hatred, the fear of losing his loved ones.

Golden blond hair and innocent green eyes.

The wide, blue sky overhead as birds flew free, so unlike himself and the girl who stood by him. Trapped on Earth.

A silver pendant.

Near death. The aid of another.

A bat.

Blood on his hands.

Blood flowing directly down his face.

Warmth flowing into him from the hands that so tightly held onto his own.

His hands losing their grip on someone important.

The ground beneath his body as he crawled and dragged his body close.

And...

 

 

 

A gun held up to his face.

The blue Martian uniform.

The gun in his hand pointing at the sole blurry face in the whole dream.

 

 

 

Orange. And bat.

 

 

His eye searing in pain and the whole world going black.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When he walked into the classroom, Inko raised her head to stare at him for only a moment before turning away her gaze back to her desk. Nina looked confused, but opted to stay by her side.

“Hey, you look like shit, are you okay?” Calm ran up to him.

“...Yeah. I just didn’t sleep well.” He peered up at the blond. “You don’t look so well either.”

Calm sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. “I didn’t sleep that well either.”

“So that makes two of us.”

“I guess.”

“Hm? Whatcha two talking about?” Okisuke bounced up when he saw that they weren’t moving from the door to the classroom.

“Nothing!”

“Yeah, it’s nothing.”

“C’mon, tell me!”

Inaho could feel his nerves relaxing already after seeing Okisuke’s face. He remembered so clearly the last look he got of him before Inaho’s hands let him go and he was set spiraling into the purple Kataphrakt. The first friend Inaho lost, the first hand he let go of, and the reason he had decided to fight.

Experiencing everything as himself was a completely different experience from seeing it from a third person perspective.

Everything felt so real. Everything hurt him, everything affected him.

The grief when Okisuke died was real. The fear he felt when he first faced off against a Martian Kat was real. The thrill of victory after taking it down was real. The tension when he trusted his Kat to that Martian sky carrier was real. The fulfilling feeling when the Princess so sincerely thanked him was real. The despair when he once again failed to protect someone close to him was real.

The pain in his left eye was real.

“Hey, Inaho, are you okay?” Okisuke was looking at him concerned now. “Is there something wrong with your eye?”

He could hear Calm take in a sharp breath and Inko shook in her seat as well.

“It’s nothing.” He had to assure them. He couldn’t let them worry. Not again.

 

 

It was nothing more than a dream after all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

School was over and he was the most exhausted he’s been in a long time. Barely waving goodbye to his friends, he left the classroom, intending on just going straight home.

That was when his thoughts strayed to Slaine.

That’s what he called the other boy, mainly because of his umbrella.

He originally thought it was just a coincidence.

But then Slaine had called him Orange.

How high were the chances of that? They weren’t exactly common nicknames.

And Slaine had said he chose that because of all the orange scented things in his apartment. Which was true, but the first time he called Inaho Orange was when they were at the supermarket.

Before he had invited Slaine home.

A chill went down his spine.

 

He had to find Slaine.

 

He called his number, but it led way to the answering machine every time. Not much time had passed since the ending bell rang, he might still be on the grounds of the Academy.

Not sparing a second, he broke into a run, looking for that pale blond hair and brilliant blue eyes.

Every floor, every room, every corner.

His breathing was harsh and his lungs were already screaming in protest. He never had been the athletic type.

Just when he was considering the possibility that Slaine might have already left school his phone rang. Looking at the caller ID, he let out a sigh of relief.

_“Inaho?”_

He felt the tension in his shoulders flow out from the sound of his soft voice.

“Slaine...”

_“Uh, yeah? Why were you calling me?”_

“I was just wondering where you were.”

 _“...And you had to call me seven times for just that?”_ Slaine’s voice sounded disbelieving.

“You weren’t picking up so I was concerned.”

 _“Hmm?”_ He sounded utterly amused, much to Inaho’s chagrin. He did admit that it was a bit much, but his nerves were on a high after that dream.

“So where are you? Did you leave school already?”

_“No? I’m at the art classroom.”_

“I already checked there and I didn’t see you.”

_“Well, that’s where I am...Oh, aah, sorry, I meant the old one!”_

“The old one?”

_“Yeah, you know, the old building on the east side of school. The one that’s not really used anymore.”_

There was one building set off on the east portion of the grounds that had been mostly unused after renovations to the main buildings had been completed. Now it was used mainly for storage and a couple of clubs that weren’t large enough to secure a room in the main campus.

“The art club’s room is in the C building though?”

_“Well, I’m not in the art club. This is the Study of the Arts Society.”_

He wasn’t even aware that even existed.

_“Oh, quit yapping and come over if you’re going to. I’m busy too, you know.”_

“I’ll be there in five minutes.”

 _“Mmhm, see you then.”_ And he hung up.

 

 

 

 

 

When he first reached the abandoned art classroom in the old building, he stopped himself from entering and letting his presence be known right away. Slaine was in a corner of the room with an easel in front of him and acrylic paints to his side. He was carefully painting something onto the canvas laid out.

The sun was setting, coloring the classroom a deep orange. With the sun behind him, shadows hid away most of Slaine’s face, but Inaho somehow felt calm seeing this side of him.

The orange hue of the room almost made it seem like they were in their own world, separated from the hectic mess of daily life and in fact, they were the only ones in this building.

It was just Slaine and him in this world of various shades of red. One that only appears for that small fraction of time between afternoon and night. A fragment of dusk that is merely a wishful mirage.

It’s said that this hour of the day is when people are most likely to commit suicide. Feeling alone and abandoned by the world, the red and the utterly still nature of the air around them makes them much more susceptible to such feelings of despair.

In this dream-like world, ending it all feels all too easy. Ending it all feels like it really isn’t the end.

For example, you could take that palette knife that is in Slaine’s hand right now and slit it across your wrist, coloring the floor a red the same color as the sun’s burning light. One smooth motion down your forearm, vertically and not horizontally, mind you. In this strange world of twilight, the red could be then used as paint, making a vibrant masterpiece of that canvas.

Then everything would go back to normal as soon as the orange dye washed away and the darkness of the night engulfed everything in its path with only the faint light of the moon to lead the lost.

That was the beauty of the twilight evening.

They were on a different plane. X, Y, Z—it was none of them.

It was just him and Slaine.

Before he could call out his name, to pull him out from this space, Slaine noticed him first.

He smiled. “Inaho.”

 

Aah, how long he’s wanted to hear that voice say his name.

 

The sun was passing, entering a deep sleep. Dusk was nearing its end.

“Wait just a minute, I’ll clean up.” He stood up, holding his palette full of various shades of blue, green, and purple.

“What were you drawing?” He finally found the power within his legs to walk into the classroom now that the orange color of twilight had faded away.

“The sky.” Slaine turned around the easel to present his half-filled canvas.

As Slaine said, it was merely the sky. The wide, endlessly blue sky.

The skill level wasn’t breathtaking, but he could feel the longing and emotions Slaine had put into it.

He smiled sheepishly, scratching his cheek and getting some paint on it. “I know I’m not very good. It’s just a hobby.”

He shook his head. Art’s purpose was to express and Slaine’s painting, though not yet completed, did more than just that.

“What are you planning on doing with the rest?” The bottom of the canvas was still left untouched which was quite unorthodox when the top half seemed nearing completion.

Slaine hummed a bit while washing his tools in the nearby sink. “Mmm, I haven’t really decided. I could draw someone, or something, but nothing really feels right. I might just leave it blank. It never was meant to be seen by someone else in the first place.”

“So you simply like just painting.”

“I guess you could say that.” Putting the freshly cleaned brushes onto a rack, he picked up his palette. “What’d you call me for anyway? You wanted something, right?”

He’s reminded of the whole reason he spent the day looking for him in the first place.

Orange and bat.

He bit his lip. He knew that asking about contents of a dream like this would make him seem like a madman, but he felt like Slaine would somehow understand.

Out of everyone he knew, Slaine would surely understand.

He was about to open his mouth when Slaine started mixing all the colors on his palette together. Blue mixed with green and with purple and with white. The white paint stained blue, green, purple. White being eaten up.

“Hey, Inaho.” Slaine softly smiled. “Life’s a lot like painting, don’t you think?”

“...How so?”

“Mix in two or three colors, ones that compliment, and you get a brand new one. Full of subtleties and texture. It might not always be what you want, but you can work with it.” He spoke as he continued mixing the paints on his palette till they ended up as one unappealing greenish grey. “Mix in too many and you get something ugly like this. You can’t use it and no one wants it.”

He placed the palette in the sink and let the water run over it, washing everything—blue, green, purple, white—down into the drain below. “And then it eventually gets thrown away just like this.”

 

I’m something like that.

 

Finishing up cleaning, Slaine took off his apron and smiled at Inaho. Those blue eyes of his twinkling and his pale blond hair illuminated by the faint light of the moon.

The moon had many meanings for the Japanese. It was a subject of longing and desire.

It was a thinly veiled “I love you”.

And it was at this moment that Inaho thought that he would be fine with dying.

“So, what did you want?”

“It’s nothing.” He felt like he smiled back. Or at least, he hoped he did.

Slaine tilted his head in confusion, and then smiled with an innocent air as the moon looked beautiful beyond. “Okay then?”

 

He felt the pieces finally connect within him and a hole that was always hollow fill up.

 

 

Slaine was his “what”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That night he did not see any nightmares so he got enough rest, much to the relief of his friends. During the whole day, all he could think about was Slaine. While the blond politely declined his invitation to eat lunch together that day, he figured he should drop by the old art classroom to check out if Slaine was there.

However, the classroom was empty.

Slaine’s bag was left abandoned by the chair and easel though so it meant he had been here. Out of curiosity for how far the blond had managed to get today, he peered at the canvas and lost his words at what he saw.

The blue sky that kept screaming about how much it wanted freedom was covered with black and grey paint. You could hardly see the traces of that endlessly blue sky underneath the slabs of acrylic. The whole piece was ruined.

Had Slaine been the one to do this?

No, he wasn’t the type to ruin his own work like that. But then who?

Questions would have to wait till he found Slaine and he had a bad feeling about it all. If there was one thing that he has learned throughout these years he’s been alive is that his instinct was usually correct.

He ran through the halls, but Slaine was nowhere to be found. When he passed by an open window, he heard shouting and a bad feeling began welling up in his chest.

As he approached the back of the building in the direction of where the sound came from, he heard another voice and his feet stopped involuntarily.

 

“You bastard!”

 

He caught sight of pale blond hair.

His blood went cold.

 

“You leave Inaho the fuck alone! You already screwed him over, and now you want to do it again!? Wasn’t it enough for you!?”

The one shouting at Slaine was Calm. His hands were on Slaine’s collar and his eyes were in frenzy with anger and hatred.

“And what the fuck is that eye!? Are you making fun of him!?” He scathed and Slaine flinched away from the saliva.

Inaho ran towards them, but words would not come out from his mouth.

Slaine was smiling. That unnerving smile that had you backing away and forcing you to stutter over your words.

“And if it is?” He smirked which got Calm even angrier. He raised his fist to go for a blow when Inaho grabbed it.

“Inaho!?”

Both of them were shocked at the unexpected intruder.

 

“What are you doing, Calm?” He was surprised at his own voice. It was low and steady, but the anger hidden underneath was as clear as day. Had he always sounded this way? Had he always sounded this cold?

 

He looked at Slaine and his eyes widened at what he saw.

 

Slaine had a medical eye patch over his left eye.

The same eye that Inaho had lost in his dream.

 

He narrowed his eyes at Calm. “Did you do this...?”

It was a silly question. Of course Calm didn’t do this. If he did, Slaine wouldn’t have an eye patch already.

But he needed something to let go of this black feeling that threatened to engulf him right now. He knew who was responsible for it and he wanted nothing more than to kill him.

“Slaine, let’s go.” He separated the two and grabbed Slaine’s wrist, ignoring his small yelp of pain. He noted with dissatisfaction that the purple bruise on it still didn’t look any better. Another thing that man needed to pay for.

“Inaho!” Calm cried out for him.

“Don’t.” His voice cut through the air and Calm couldn’t speak. “Come on, Slaine.”

The blond looked as if he might cry, but only nodded as he allowed Inaho to drag him away from that place.

He realized that Slaine’s bag was still inside of the abandoned art room so they first went there to pick it up. As he gathered Slaine’s things, he saw the blond look melancholy in front of the ruined painting.

“I was the one who did it, if you were wondering.” Slaine spoke as he took the canvas and set a white cloth over it, hiding it from his eyes.

He felt his grip on Slaine’s bag tighten. “...Why?”

You looked so happy while painting it so why?

Slaine drew close and stretched out his hand. Inaho took it with his own without even thinking about it only for Slaine to burst out laughing.

“I meant, give me my bag!”

“.......Oh.” He sheepishly handed him his bag and tried to let go of his hand, but Slaine was the one gripping onto his hand now.

He smiled and Inaho felt his heart hurt at the sight of only one of those brilliant blue eyes.

“Let’s go home?”

He nodded stiffly.

As they left the school gates, the sun started to set, once again dyeing the campus a deep orange red, setting their world into the parallel world of twilight.

There was a comfortable silence between them only broken by Slaine’s words. He didn’t realize how cruel they were till much, much later.

 

“It's probably because I’ve given up.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

He forced Slaine to come with him to his house. Once inside, he checked his fridge if they had any ice packs or anything that could substitute as one. He found a bag of frozen fruit that could perhaps be made into a makeshift one. Slaine was slumped against the wall of the hallway, unmoving and bangs covering his beautiful eyes away from sight.

“Slaine. Don’t sit there. If you’re going to sit, sit on the couch in the living room.”

Slaine frowned at him, still displeased that he was forced to once again come into the Kaizuka household. It couldn’t be helped so he gently helped him up and led him to sit on the couch. He didn’t have any ice packs so he prepared something warm for him to drink instead.

“Slaine...Here.” He presented a cup of tea to the blond.

He could see the elastic around the back of his head. The white band blending in with the pale blond hair.

“Slaine.” He slowly reached forward and touched Slaine’s chin. Then, ever so carefully raised his head so he could see his face. He looked so unbalanced with the eye patch. It didn’t suit him. Being hurt didn’t suit him. He didn’t want to see him like this.

He clenched his fists. “Slaine...who did this to you?”

It was a rhetorical question. He already knew. He just wanted to hear it from Slaine’s mouth. To prove that Slaine still had some fight left in him. That he was still alive.

“Slaine...” It was surprising how gentle his voice sounded right now. Back at school in front of Calm it startled even himself how cold and menacing he sounded.

 

“You’re smart, Inaho. I know you already have everything figured out even if I don’t say a word.” Slaine repeated the words when he first found out about the bruise on his wrist. “So leave it be.”

                                                  

Leave it be? When Slaine’s eye was hurt like this?

That man had injured his eye. He had hurt Slaine.

He had made Slaine hide away one of his beautiful blue eyes away from the world.

Wasn’t that a sin in itself?

 

He feared the possibility of Slaine’s eye never recovering and he would be forced to live like this forever. He couldn’t stand it.

“I’ll be fine, Inaho.” Slaine sighed, taking a sip of the tea.

“Slaine...” He looked at him.

Deep red like the flag of Vers, the enemy country in his dream, if it even was a dream, met the blue of the ocean of Earth.

 

 

“Yes?...Orange.” Slaine smiled in a self-derisory manner. It was clear in his eyes. He had given up.

 

 

His throat went dry.

 

“You already know, right? You know what I did. You know that this was the wound.” He slid a slender finger along his forehead to his left eye. “That I gave you last time.”

 

He couldn’t speak. Slaine was confirming what he already knew, but it was an entirely different thing for it to come out of those lips.

Perhaps sensing his inner turmoil, Slaine pressed down on the eyelid of his left eye, forcing him to close it. Now both of them only had their right eyes open.

“Aren’t you glad? I got what was coming to me.” He smiled that unnerving smile again. He didn’t want to see that anymore. He didn’t want to see that sort of smile on Slaine’s face.

What did he want with Slaine Troyard?

It was simple.

All he wanted was for him to smile.

He wanted to see that gentle smile that had his heart beating and brought up a side to him that he didn’t even know existed.

But, a cloud of self-doubt hampers his mood. Were these his feelings? Or were they Kaizuka Inaho’s feelings? He couldn’t exactly deny that he was influenced by those memories. He had felt like the hollow feeling he’s had ever since he was a child was filling up after meeting Slaine and now he was starting to suspect that the hollow feeling came to be in the first place because he hadn’t met Slaine. Slaine was his “what”, after all. But then that would mean he felt that way because of the past and then that would mean that these feelings were “that” Inaho’s.

No, they couldn’t possibly be Kaizuka Inaho’s. The Slaine in the dream shot his eye out. There was no way that he would feel that way to someone who did that.

But him? There was no such bad blood between them now. So this warmth in his chest must belong to him, and only him. It just had to.

 

“It’s karma. Probably.” He heard Slaine mutter, eye looking far off to the kitchen. He turned his gaze back to Inaho and smiled again, but not the smile that Inaho wanted. “Aren’t you happy? Karma caught up to me. I deserve this, don’t you think?”

A denial of that started to rise in his throat, but he was interrupted by the sound of the door opening.

 

“Naooo!” It was Yuki. “Is Slaine over again? Your guys’ shoes are all over the place. Nao, are you here? Na---“

She stopped right in her tracks when she entered the living room and saw Slaine.

Or more specifically, when she saw that eye patch across his left eye.

“That eye...” Her face quickly lost all its color and he felt like he had to act before it was too late.

“Y...You...” Her breathing became erratic and her cheeks were starting to flush with anger.

His heart stopped with realization. Yuki had seen that dream too.

She had seen him get shot and lie in a pool of his own blood.

All by that Slaine’s hand.

 

“Get out...”

“Yuki.”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing here?” Her voice shook, but her eyes were fierce with their determination and their hate. “Are you planning on hurting Nao again?”

“Yuki, you know that he—“

“Stay quiet, Nao. I’m talking to this bastard, right now.”

Slaine didn’t respond, but he also didn’t look away from her glares.

“Get out...” She repeated again.

“Yuki...”

“GET OUT!!” She screamed hysterically and when she saw that he was still frozen in place, she lunged forward to him, only to be stopped by Inaho himself. “GET OUT! GET OUT!! NEVER COME NEAR NAO AGAIN! YOU BASTARD, YOU DIRTY BASTARD!!”

“Yuki, stop!”

Tears were freely flowing down her face. She kept trying to reach for Slaine and she possessed a strength that he didn’t know she had. It was the movements of a wild animal. Inaho wasn’t even in her view anymore.

All she could see was Slaine.

All she could see was the one who hurt her precious younger brother.

“I’LL KILL YOU!!” She screeched. “I’ll kill you...!!........Leave him alone, leave us all alone…!...You murderer, YOU MURDERER!!”

She kept screaming at him and Slaine could only stand in silence. His eyes filled with not sorrow, and not despair. They were eyes of someone who had given up, given up on everything.

He slowly rose from his seat on the couch and to Inaho’s horror, bowed to Yuki who was still thrashing in Inaho’s arms.

He stood up and smiled that weak, clumsy smile. “I’m sorry.”

Yuki thrashed even harder at those words, face red and eyes filled with tears.

He took his bag that was abandoned in the hall and slowly made his way to the entranceway. He turned around one last time, bowed again, and was gone.

Just like that, he was gone.

 

Nakahara Jun once said that the thing that defines you is not “what” you are, but “what” if you lose, will make you cease to be you anymore.

 

If he lost Slaine, then wouldn’t he not be _him_ anymore?

 

Yuki collapsed onto the ground along with Inaho. She kept repeating those words. “Get out...get out...get out...get out...”

His heart ached. He didn’t know what to do. He desperately wanted to go after Slaine, but he couldn’t leave Yuki like this. But, he also couldn’t leave Slaine like that either.

What to do? Who to choose?

“Nao...” Yuki cried. “Nao...Nao...”

She was holding onto his sleeve like a child, crying out his name.

Despite every cell in his body telling him to run after Slaine, he couldn’t abandon his sister. His precious older sister. Who did everything for his sake. Who sacrificed everything for him. Slaine might have been his “what”, but Yuki was his family and while it was an incorrect version of the old phrase, blood ran thicker than water.

“I’m right here, Yuki.” He hugged her gently. She kept crying while repeating his name and hugging him back tight. “I’m right here.”

“Nao...Your eye...I couldn’t protect you...” Her hand that was wrapped around his back tightened on his shirt.

“I’m fine, Yuki. See? I have both of my eyes.” He leaned back a little so she could get a clear view of his face.

Her eyes filled with tears again and her face relaxed in relief. “Nao...You’re right here...You’re right here...! You’re alive...!”

“Yes, yes, I am.” He said in a soft voice, almost as if he was whispering her a lullaby. “How could I not be? You’ve always protected me, Yuki.”

She shook her head in his chest.

“No? You know that’s not true.”

Another shake.

“You’re always thinking about me. You’re always giving up so much for my sake. Do you know how much that keeps me going every day?”

“You’re my little brother, Nao! I’d give up anything for you!” She cried. “And you’re the reason I can keep going every day.”

“I want you to be happy too, Yuki.”

“You’re my happiness.”

“Just like you’re mine.”

“Nao...” She buried her face into him again, holding even tighter than before. He gently patted her head.

“I’m right here.”

She nodded.

“It was all just a dream, Yuki. A bad, bad dream. It’s not real.”

Was it really not?

“I can still smell your blood on my hands when I found you like that...” She gasped out. “And when...”

She hugged him tighter.

“It was a dream.”

She didn’t respond.

“It wasn’t real.”

“Nao...Promise me one thing.”

“Yes?”

 

 

“Stay away from Slaine Troyard.”

 

 

She was asking of him the same thing Inko did.

He wanted to say no.

He couldn’t let him wallow in guilt over something he never did.

He couldn’t abandon Slaine.

Kaizuka Inaho was whispering into his ear.

Don’t listen to her.

She’s insane.

It’s nothing but a dream.

She’s not in control over your life.

Are you really going to leave him alone?

Are you really going to choose to never to see that gentle smile, pale blond hair, and beautiful blue eyes ever again?

Are you really going to abandon Slaine Troyard?

You’ll lose yourself if you do.

 

 

Yuki grasped his hands. “Please...Listen to your older sister just this once.”

 

 

Sorry, Kaizuka Inaho.

Sorry...Slaine.

But no younger brother can order his older sister around.

If losing Slaine meant losing himself, then he would be rebuilt as Kaizuka Yuki’s younger brother. The one who always cared for her, cooked for her, loved and was loved by her.

 

 

He returned her grip. “I will.”

 

 

No matter how much it killed him to do so.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That night he saw a dream again. A continuation.

He was back to seeing it all from a bird’s eye view.

 

A mechanical eye where he had shot it out.

The Princess was alive and preaching for war.

But it wasn’t her.

Anger. A desire to save her.

Slaine Troyard.

A pure white Kat.

The Tharsis.

Dancing in space. Crossing paths for only a moment.

The death of a Count.

His rise to power and the red of the coat that now adorned his shoulders.

A friendly prisoner.

A duel in space.

His attack, his move, his strategy.

Searing pain in his eye.

Meeting him face to face at last.

Meeting the Princess for one last time.

Vowing to grant her wish.

Coming for him when he had lost everything.

Fighting to the brink of death.

Grabbing that hand and this time...not letting it go.

A thin man in shackles and blue.

Tears that looked like pearls running down the sides of his face.

 

And...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He awoke.

Kaizuka Inaho smiles at him.

He wants to wipe that smile right off his face, but he was right.

He couldn’t abandon Slaine Troyard.

He was him. He was Kaizuka Inaho, but not that one.

 

 

 

Inaho was a peculiar child.

He had little desires and found it easy to let go. But he had finally found something that he refused to part with. He couldn’t become the younger brother that Yuki needed, he was no one but him and he wasn’t about to let history repeat.

Yuki was already fast asleep when he left the house with only his wallet, a jacket and the other clothes on his back. He left a note for her.

He’s sure it’ll break her heart, but it had to be done.

He just could not leave him alone.

He would work something out. He always did.

It was all just a dream after all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He wasn’t answering his phone, but Inaho was sure for some strange reason that he hadn’t returned to his house. He finally found Slaine sitting on the swings in the park he and Inko used to play in when they were young. For some reason, he thought that he would be here and here he was.

His pale blond hair looked ethereally white in the light of the streetlamps. His form slender in the darkness of the night. Only one of his beautiful blue eyes able to be seen.

Slaine perked his head up at the sound of the crunching of leaves as Inaho walked towards him.

“Inaho...”

“Slaine.”

He looked dumbfounded.

 

 

 

Inaho held out his hand.

 

 

 

 

“Let’s run away together.”

 

 

 

 


	2. The truth we've always known

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They run away from all that might wound them even though the thing that would hurt the most is frighteningly near.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the chapter of where I got to before I deleted it. It's pretty radically different from the one I posted before so hopefully people who've already read it can enjoy? The direction changed a lot, but I hope that leads better into the last chapter which is the epilogue. Again, a warning beforehand that not everyone will get a happy ending.

The air was still and dreary as he briskly walked through the dimly lit halls of the prison holding Slaine Saazbaum Troyard. Ominous shadows covering up the lies it holds—Inaho mused that this place does not change even after three, long years. He briefly nodded at the warden, not even bothering to ask the question he always asks whenever he visits. The warden only shook his head and gave him a light pat of encouragement on his shoulder. A gesture brought forth by a mockery of his failed efforts or genuine care, Inaho did not know or really care.

The heavy sound of the locks opening up sliced through the silence and behind those steel doors, laid the infamous, supposedly dead Slaine Troyard. His pale blonde hair reflected the small bits of light that came through the thin window of his cell and his body curled up with the sheets of his bed like a cat. He looked innocent almost, with his face at ease in the depth of his peaceful slumber.

But, you couldn’t really call someone with the blood of so many on his hands innocent though.

Inaho walked over to the side of his bed and knelt beside it to peer at Slaine’s sleeping face. Almost as if sensing his presence, Slaine’s brows furrowed up and he buried his face deeper into the mess of blankets.

“Slaine.”

No response.

He was on a schedule and he didn’t have the time to be wasting on letting him sleep here. Sighing, he roughly pulled on the blankets, startling the blonde awake.

Those eyes finally were wide open and Inaho got an eyeful of those expressive blue eyes that seemed to change color from blue to green to mint to the color of the sea with every small movement the older man made.

The blonde immediately narrowed his eyes into a glare as soon as he realized who had pulled him out of his slumber. “What are you doing here?”

It had been a couple months since he had last visited the former Count and he had not bothered to tell him of his prolonged absence or the reason for it when he last was here. It seemed unnecessary and there was no guarantee things would proceed smoothly, but things had finally settled down and it seemed that lady luck was on Inaho’s side once again. Or as always as the former Count would say.

He outstretched his hand and Slaine just stared at it in confusion.

“What?” He crinkled his nose in distaste. “I’m not a dog no matter how much you treat me like one.”

He was as sharp tongued as ever, Inaho thought with slight amusement. Slaine would be considered pitiful by most people. He was like a proud cat that scorned every feeding hand, but realized at the same time that it was being kept alive only by the whims of those above it so it had no choice but to dance on their palms. It would be so much easier if he stayed blissfully ignorant of his situation and forced himself to love his owner, but it wasn’t his nature to do so. He would suffer, cry tears of frustration and agony, pretend he still had an ounce of self-respect left, but in the end, it wouldn’t matter because there was nothing he could do about the fact—the reality—that he never owned himself and never would. Always at the bottom of the food chain, always the one who got the short end of the stick, always the one who got hurt.

 

Slaine was so, so pitiful.

 

He continued to keep his hand out, choosing to ignore Slaine’s words. “You’re coming with me.”

“What?”

Something flashed across those blue eyes. Was it despair? Disgust? Hope? It better not be hope. That was something Slaine should not ever have, not when his hopes and dreams have been crushed so many times and laid trampled and lifeless on the surface of the destroyed moon. He would be so stupid, so foolish if he ever laid his hopes with him.

“From today on, May 11, 2020, you will be placed under my custody.”

Slaine immediately slammed his hand down on the bed and practically growled at Inaho. “What the hell are you on, Kaizuka Inaho!? Who would ever—“

 

“You have no choice in the matter.”

 

His whole body shook and almost as if he was freezing, even though the room was uncomfortably stuffy, his hands trembled and his face distorted into an expression of horror. His milky white hands shakily clawed on his shirt till it reached his father’s pendant underneath.

Slaine was pitiful.

Perhaps that was why the Empress was still enraptured with him even after he had caused her so much grief. People had a tendency to feel more empathy for things that stirred such a motherly instinct within them.

But for Slaine’s case, it was more like you felt a sense of superiority seeing his suffering. Look at how he crumbles like dust to one girl’s wish, look at how spiteful he tries to be when he clearly doesn’t have it within him to fully commit to it, look at just how much he hates himself, look at how he considers himself less than dirt. There’s no way you’re worse than that, right? You’re above him. You’re better than him.

Inaho had won. He wasn’t an enemy at all. He couldn’t even line up at the start line.

He wasn’t exactly sure how he would go about it, but he fully intended on fulfilling his last promise with the former Princess.

It was her last wish of him.

It was her last wish she made as simply just Asseylum.

He moved his outstretched hand closer, reminding him that he had no say in the matter. Just like how he had no say in anything in his life now.

But he would work to change that. It was a promise to the Empress after all.

Shakily, ever so hesitantly, that bony hand took his and he was surprised by how warm Slaine was. Despite all the weight loss, it seemed his body temperature was still higher than average. Tests may have to be done before they left to check his health.

He stood up, leading Slaine to get up off the bed as well.

 

With the shadows dancing on the walls connecting with each other through their intertwined hands, it was like a contract with one not of this world.

 

 

Just which one of them was the demon though?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The train rumbled as it passed over a bumpy section of track, shaking Inaho awake. His mind still hazy and his vision unclear, he stared at empty space for a moment to gather his bearings. When he came to, he observed that he was inside of what appeared to be a sleeper train judging by how he was not in a seat but on a bed connected to the wall. The view from outside the window was pitch-black other than the dull light of a half full moon in the sky, indicating that it was still in the dead of night.

“Are you awake now?” Slaine’s soft voice felt unexpectedly close. His breathing tickled his ear as those lips moved and he pulled back in realization at how he was basically leaning on Slaine.

“I apologize.” He rubbed away a bit of drool that was on the side of his mouth and he hoped that none of it got on Slaine and that the other boy didn’t notice.

Slaine simply smiled in a reassuring manner. “It’s fine, you were tired. It is 2 AM after all.”

He turned on his tablet to confirm the time and indeed it was already 2 AM. They had boarded the train at 1 AM so he must have slept for half an hour at most, thankfully.

“Are you not tired? You could have slept too.”

Slaine shook his head. “I usually go to bed around this time. And today I just don’t really feel like it.”

Inaho couldn’t respond to that, there were plenty of reasons why Slaine wouldn’t want to sleep. He must see nightmares and whether those nightmares were about that world with the broken moon or about the incoming fist of his father was something that he was not willing to ask.

Judging from how he reacted to Yuki’s outburst, Slaine must have also dreamt of that world. And he was likely more invested in it than any of them considering the fate of the Slaine of that world.

He is reminded of brief dream he had just now. The trembling of his shoulders, his protruding bones, his pale face, his blank, unfeeling eyes.

He is reminded of the other world’s Inaho’s cold, blank red eye. That was not him, he reasons with himself. It was all just a dream.

“Inaho?” Slaine was peering at him, his hand outstretched yet not quite touching his hand that he had unconsciously tightened into a fist.

“Ah, I apologize. I was lost in my thoughts.”

Slaine withdrew his hand and he felt a pang of disappointment. That lone blue eye turned to look at the window where the trees passed by in a blur in the darkness of the night. “Inaho.”

“Yes?”

“Where are we going?”

“...North.”

He had bought tickets randomly. It didn’t matter where their destination was, as long as it was far away from the town they lived in. Far away from Yuki, Inko, and Calm. Far away from the others who knew of that bleak world. Away from those who might hurt Slaine.

“I...see.” Slaine didn’t press any further.

“I have something to ask of you.”

Slaine’s blue eye was focused on him once again and he hesitated for a moment. He wanted to ask how much Slaine knew about that world, how much of the life of Slaine Saazbaum Troyard he remembered. Did he know what happened to that pale blonde man with those defeated eyes who looked as if he might fade away at any moment?

“Go ahead.” The Slaine in front of him smiled, his eye knowing and reassuring. “Ask me anything. I think you deserve that at least.”

“...You know about that world, correct?”

Slaine’s smile turned derisive for only a moment before he went back to smiling that template expression that Inaho was so sick of looking at. “...Yes.”

He knew that he did, but to have it come from Slaine himself felt completely different. He wasn’t sure if he had wanted Slaine to know about it. He wasn’t sure if he wanted the Slaine right next to him, the one who could laugh so freely when he took his hands into his, to know about a world where his name was tarnished and his life was ruined. He didn’t want this Slaine to experience a world where he was hated.

“How much of it do you know?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“...Are you aware of everything about Slaine Saazbaum Troyard’s life?”

Slaine took his hand into Inaho’s again. He could feel the blonde boy’s warmth and it felt like Slaine was the only warm thing in this room that had suddenly gone bone chillingly cold.

A prickling feeling in his left eye started to show itself and soon, he could feel a migraine setting in as well.

The wall in front of him morphed and his vision was impaired, depth unknown and eye searing in pain.

 

 

He was Kaizuka Inaho.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It had been two months since Inaho had brought Slaine to live with him in his apartment. It was a form of house arrest and he had fought UFE tooth and nail for it. Yuki hadn’t been happy with him and neither was Inko or the rest of his friends, but it was to be expected and handled it accordingly. He understood their worries, but did not deem Slaine Troyard as a threat in his current state. Everything was under his control.

Slaine was currently lying absentmindedly on the couch, a book about astrophysics laid out in front of him, though it did not appear that he was actually reading it. He was dressed in some of Inaho’s old clothes and pants that Inaho had bought for him. He had gotten so thin during his stay in prison that it seemed that his clothes that were slightly too big for him fit him well enough. He didn’t have enough funds to spend playing dress up anyway.

The blonde didn’t move an inch even as Inaho approached though he was sure he saw those blue eyes pass over him when he first entered the living room.

The silent treatment.

That was the game Slaine was playing at these past two months. It seemed that the cat still had more than enough pride in its body despite the loss of its fat and body mass. He did not necessarily blame him for the behavior, and in fact, anticipated it. This was the only means of resistance that Slaine Troyard had at his disposal. He couldn’t get himself back in prison now that he was under Inaho’s custody and he couldn’t attack him either, knowing the consequences of such foolhardy actions. And most of all, he couldn’t escape and risk revealing his existence to the world. That would endanger the fragile peace the Empress had worked so hard to obtain and that would be something he would never do even if it killed him.

He was so devoted to her that it bordered on insanity. Inaho had been quite dedicated to her cause and had played into many risks for her sake himself, but Slaine’s obsessive need to center his world around her was like that of a mad dog. Perhaps understandable, but not acceptable. That would be the first thing he must correct. One’s life should be lived for one’s own purposes. He wouldn’t allow Slaine to push the blame of his actions on his “dedication” to the Empress. That would be dirtying her good name and image.

All of the things Slaine did and all of the consequence he reaped were from his own decisions.

There was a need to make Slaine know that down to his very soul.

So the first step that must be taken was to expand his horizons. Show him the world does not only revolve around the Empress. That his world does not revolve around the Empress.

It revolves around him.

Only then will he see that the cause of his actions was not the Empress or such petty devotion. It was him. It had nothing to do with anyone else. It was all just him.

Perhaps then could true repentance be done.

 

“Slaine.”

The blonde continued staring at the pages, but Inaho could see that his eyes were unmoving, a sign that he wasn’t really reading. He closed the book shut and stood back with his arms crossed. Finally, Slaine sighed and peered up with those blue eyes of his. Seeing them from above made them look even more striking. If there was one thing Slaine Troyard was gifted with, it was genes. Even then, that was something given to him by others.

“What are you good for then?”

He hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

Slaine gaped, his cheeks reddening with anger. “...I...! You’re so...!”

“Oh, so the silent treatment is over?”

He immediately clammed up, still fuming, and the sight had Inaho close to smiling.

“Dinner is ready so come to the table.”

It had become a custom for them to eat their meals together when Inaho wasn’t on any missions. He had initially thought about them taking turns on who would prepare meals, but abandoned that idea after the disaster that was Slaine’s first time in the kitchen. Cooking lessons would be held on Sunday and until then, Slaine wasn’t allowed to touch any of the cookware without his supervision.

Once they were both seated, he put his hands together and said his words of thanks and looking up expectedly at Slaine. He made a face again, but complied, only putting his hands together and making a small nod with his head.

After eating in silence, he noticed that Slaine had barely finished a fourth of his food. Again.

Sighing in irritation, he set down his chopsticks. “Is it not to your liking?”

Slaine twitched at the sound of his voice and looked away hurriedly in discomfort. He was still keeping up the silent treatment, but after realizing that Inaho wasn’t going to let him get away with answering, he shook his head from side to side slowly.

“Then do you just have no appetite?” He was starting to think that he might have to force feed the blond to get his weight up.

He shook his head again and then took in a deep breath as if he was preparing himself for something. Gripping his chopsticks tightly, he started stuffing the food into his mouth, quickly finishing off the rest of his plate, only to start choking once he had swallowed it all down.

“...I wanted you to eat, not choke yourself to death.” He sighed as he got up to refill Slaine’s cup of water. He didn’t eat, but water was the only thing he consumed incessantly.

Once Slaine’s coughing subsided, he wiped his mouth with a napkin and collapsed into the back of his chair. “Satisfied...?”

“Relatively.”

Eating was an essential part of being alive and if he was to make sure that Slaine Troyard stayed alive, and knew it to a fundamental level, he had to make the blond eat and regain his strength. Wasting away did not fall within his definitions of repentance.

Slaine Troyard had to know the joys of living for him to fully understand his sin and Inaho was fully committed to making him see that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Inaho?”

He was brought back to the present.

That’s right.

He wasn’t in the Kaizuka household, he had left it a couple hours ago. He was inside a train with Slaine who was looking at him with that blank stare, eye sharp and unmoving. Their hands were no longer connected.

“How was the trip down memory lane?” He smiled.

“...it wasn’t as bad as the other things I’ve seen.” He internally shuddered at the memory of Slaine’s bony frame as Kaizuka Inaho played with his emotions and thoughts, all in the name of “saving him”.

“How far did you see?”

“...Up to when Kaizuka Inaho brought Slaine Troyard to his home.”

“Hmm...” Slaine mused. “How many months had it been since he did that?”

“Two, I believe.”

“Haha...I see. Around that time, huh.” Slaine looked bitter and that made Inaho realize that Slaine probably knew everything. It was more of a confirmation than anything else.

 

He knew of Slaine Troyard’s end.

And Inaho wasn’t sure how much of a role Kaizuka Inaho had to play in it.

 

“It’s all just a dream, Slaine.”

Logic urged him to say that it had nothing to do with them and it didn’t, really. He was not that hero of Earth and Slaine was not blamed for the sins of many. They had grown up without war, growing up in a much kinder world.

While it did not seem that the Kaizuka Inaho of that world wanted to see Slaine Troyard in such a light, the fact was that the him right here, standing here now, had found what defined him in the boy known as Slaine.

There were no doubts about that, but something was still clouding his heart’s beatings of joy in finding what it had seemingly lost.

He was sure that Slaine was his “what”, but which Slaine was he looking for?

Was he not searching for the remnants of Slaine Troyard in that pale blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes, and soft, lonely smile?

He had felt the hollowness he had felt his whole life fade away after meeting Slaine, but at the same time he was eating and talking to the Slaine of now, his memories of that world overwhelmed him and it was impossible to distinguish which Slaine he was so desperately longing for.

But for his own sake, he had to think of his “what” as the Slaine in front of him now.

If it was the Slaine of that world...That Slaine with those empty eyes and lifeless spirit...That Slaine that he himself had never met and never would...

 

Then, this would be a painful unrequited love.

 

He didn’t want to know any more.

He didn’t want to know any more about Slaine Troyard and Kaizuka Inaho and the end of their journey. What they thought, who they thought of, what they wanted. Their memories, their regrets.

All of that should have been left in that world.

It had no place here.

 

Their story had already ended.

 

“Inaho.”

He felt himself being pushed back down on the bed. Slaine had crawled on top of him, his eye cold and unfeeling.

“Slai—“

“Do you really think it was all a dream?” He sneered.

“Yes...as proof, the moon is not broken and colonization on Mars is still unfeasible.”

His face still unreadable, Slaine reached out and placed his hands gently around Inaho’s neck, wrapping around it. When he put a bit of pressure on it, Inaho could feel it becoming harder to breath and he wanted to throw him off, but his whole body was frozen and his left eye screamed with pain.

“Inaho.” Slaine spoke, but for a moment, Inaho swore that it was someone else. Someone with longer hair, colder eyes, both of them flaring wildly.

 

 

“Kill me.”

 

 

It was Slaine Troyard.

 

“Kill me...Kill me! I don’t deserve to live and you know it! I lied, I stole, I killed people! Just end this already!!”

 

“No.” His lips moved unconsciously. Words flowed out almost like he was reciting from a script.

 

“Why!? Isn’t it enough!?” The grip around his neck got stronger. “Don’t you want me to die!?”

“Death won’t be repentance for your crimes.”

Slaine’s face filled with anguish, but he kept his grip still strong on Inaho’s neck. He could feel himself grow dizzy from lack of oxygen.

“Then, what if I kill you here and kill myself after?”

“You can’t.”

“I can!”

He could feel himself smiling.

Slaine was so, so pitiful.

Even now, he chooses the harder path. Even now, he ends up on the losing side.

He wants to desperately to end it all, yet can’t bring himself to go against her wish. He acknowledges that the one who holds his life in his hands is Inaho.

Because Inaho interpreted the Empress’ wish as keeping him alive, that death was not saving him, Slaine must follow that.

The only one who can decide upon Slaine’s life is him.

The only one who can kill Slaine is him.

 

The only one who can save Slaine is him.

 

He reached out, arm shaking from strain, and gently tucked some of Slaine’s golden locks behind his ear. It was much too long, he must cut it soon. He didn’t like that his bangs covered up his eyes.

Slaine tensed up and Inaho could feel his hands start to quiver. He felt something wet hit his face like the falling of rain.

Slaine was crying again, just like how he did that day many years ago when Inaho had first told him of the Empress’ last wish.

The difference was that now he was crying because of him.

His chest roared with joy and he could feel laughter threatening to escape his throat.

It didn’t matter if Slaine hated him or if those tears were ones of frustration and hatred. It didn’t matter because Slaine would never be able to go against him. Slaine acknowledged, whether he liked it or not, that Inaho was his everything now.

He had won small victory. It was not the Empress on that pale blonde man’s mind right now.

Slaine’s grip loosened and Inaho pushed his back off the bed to grab those bony hands. Even after a year of living together, Slaine’s appetite had not returned and his cheeks were as hollow as ever. He forced Slaine’s hand to cover his left eye that was shot out by him on that snowy day in Russia. Slaine tried to resist, but his grip was stronger and he made it known once again that the one who controlled Slaine’s life was him.

“Don’t worry, Slaine.” He took his other hand and traced it along Slaine’s left eye. “You’ll be happy. I’ll make sure of it.”

You'll be happy, even as you live with the knowledge of the depth of your sins. You'll be happy because you're alive and you'll think that way because of me and me alone.

 

 

I’ll save you.

 

 

 

 

 

“You said you’d save me, right?” Slaine’s voice brought him back.

He began coughing wildly from the pain of having Slaine’s hands gripping around his neck for so long. His throat burned and his eye was still pounding from the pain.

“Slaine...”

The blonde was just smiling, that hollow, empty smile. He looked so similar to the Slaine of that world, telling him that denial would not be allowed.

“Hey, have you noticed?” He moved closer and placed a finger on Inaho’s left eye, his touch burning like hot iron. “Whenever I touch you with my hands and I will it, you’ll see that world? Doesn’t it hurt?”

Yes, it did hurt. His eye felt like it would like it would melt off and for a moment, he wished he could just be rid of it so the pain would stop. Maybe then he could be one step closer to him, maybe then could he perhaps have a chance at saving Slaine.

 

“It doesn’t matter if it’s a dream or not. This is my reality.”

 

This is Slaine Troyard’s punishment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

His nerves were on high as he stared at the food in front of him. Lightly seared chicken with broiled green beans seasoned with soy sauce and plenty of garlic. A random assortment of other cooked vegetables made up the rest of the plate and it all smelled appetizing, as expected of Kaizuka Inaho’s cooking, but he could not bring himself to take another bite.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t hungry or that he didn’t want to eat the other’s food, but his mouth hesitated every time the chopsticks carrying food came near and he felt like he was going to vomit from nausea.

“Scum like you doesn’t deserve any of this after what all you’ve done. Know your place.”

Count Cruhteo’s voice echoed in his head and he nearly lost his grip on his chopsticks.

Ignore it, ignore it.

He picked up one of the green beans and quickly placed it into his mouth before another of the voices spoke up. The juice of the beans burst inside of his mouth as he chewed and he had to admit that it was delicious. He hesitantly picked up another, but this time a different voice interrupted him.

“Even I’ve never gotten to eat something like this! Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?”

Princess Lemrina.

He dropped his chopsticks and Inaho looked at him with that damned red eye. Shaking his hand to assure him he was fine, he focused in on the plate where his chopsticks had fallen to the side of. He could feel himself breaking out into a cold sweat and he tightly shut his eyes.

Ignore it, ignore it. They’re not really here.

“Of course, I’m not. And it’s your fault. But, what isn’t though?”

Princess Lemrina’s voice struck him again and nausea was causing him to salivate uncontrollably. Gripping his cup of water, he chugged it down, reveling in the feeling of the cold liquid pouring down his dry throat.

I know, it’s all my fault. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

“Don’t blame yourself, Lord Slaine. You did all that you could.”

Now it was Harklight’s voice. He was the only one out of all the voices in his head that would comfort him, but even that was painful. Harklight was surely dead and it was Slaine’s fault. It was his fault for leading that war, for not stopping their pursuit of death, for not dying with them.

“Lord Slaine, please. You must eat if you are to regain your strength. Now, eat the chicken next.”

Harklight encouraged him and it was only through his gentle words that he managed to ignore the other screaming voices in his head calling for his death. His fingers shook as he brought his chopsticks close to the piece of chicken on the plate. It kept on slipping through the plastic because of the trembling of his hands. He couldn’t do even something like this right.

I’m sorry, Harklight.

Yet he couldn’t ask for forgiveness because this was his delusion and it was impossible for him to receive redemption.

He tried again to pick up the chicken with his chopsticks, but it slipped out again, and with it went his patience. Harklight was telling him to eat. Harklight was concerned about him and he couldn’t even do a simple thing like this. The voices sneered at his fruitless plight.

He wanted to scream, but his voice was lost and he knew that the man in front of him would pressure him into taking those useless pills and suffer through maddening treatments if he did. If he couldn’t even pick up a single piece of chicken, then he should just die, but that man won’t let him. He won’t take away this life because of that wish.

Picturing his damned face on it, he stabbed into the chicken with his chopsticks, smiling softly at the clean cut it had made. Finally bringing it up to his mouth, he chewed slowly.

I did it, Harklight. I did it.

He wasn’t expecting praise from the voice, but he wasn’t expecting a different person to speak up.

“How could you eat that when you refused to eat the chicken I prepared for you? Ungrateful trash. I never should have taken you under my wing.”

He nearly choked and tears pooled in his eyes.

Aah, he didn’t want to hear that. Not from him. Not from the one whose life he took with these very hands.

This voice came very rarely and when it did, it flew through like a storm and was gone in the blink of an eye, leaving him wounded and pale.

Gulping down the rest of the water, he breathed deeply in an attempt to calm his nerves. More than half of the plate was still piled on with food. He had struggled this entire time and yet it had barely made a dent, much like most of his efforts.

Inaho was looking at him again, that red eye as emotionless as always, and he wanted to scream and beg for death. Yet he couldn’t because that would go against the Empress’ wish and he couldn’t bear to betray her one last time. But, how much more of this could he handle? He wasn’t sure, but he knew in the back of his mind that it probably wasn’t long.

“Is it not to your liking?”

It wasn’t that, it wasn’t that at all. He hadn’t had homemade food since his father passed away and that was exactly why it was above him. That’s why the voices kept haunting him as he ate. That’s why the voices wouldn’t let him forget as he struggled with every aching bite.

Inaho wasn’t going to let him ignore him, so he forced himself to shake his head.

“Then do you just have no appetite?”

“Inaho’s going out of his way to help you and yet you treat him like this? I’m so disappointed in you, Slaine. I’ve always wanted to eat Inaho’s homemade cooking, but now I can’t while someone like you can. Isn’t this unfair?”

The Empress.

Her voice was gentle and full of life, fluttering lightly through the air like a bird’s song, yet her words were harsh and their tone firm, almost like a sentence from an impassive judge.

He nearly called out her name, before stopping himself by grinding his teeth down. He could not let Inaho know that something was amiss.

“You have to eat, Slaine. I’m worried about you. You don’t want me to worry, right?”

He didn’t know if he wanted to laugh, scream, or cry anymore. Even if he knew it was all in his head, he couldn’t help but listen to their cries and to the wishes of the unseen.

“Pick it up.”

He took the chopsticks into his hand one more time.

“Pick up the chicken next. Don’t you remember telling me about this animal?”

I do. I do, your Highness.

“Wonderful! I loved it when you told me about birds, Slaine. Even ones that couldn’t fly like this one.”

I wished I could have gone back to those days.

“Birds that can’t fly like chicken are meant for consumption, correct? Inaho told me about it! Isn’t it wonderful how they can have a use when their wings are useless?”

Yes, they have their place in the cycle of life.

“A flightless bird is eating another flightless bird. How funny.”

She giggled.

“Now open up wide and eat, Slaine.”

He shoveled the food down his throat. It burned and it stung, it felt like he was going to suffocate, but he had to eat it. She wanted him to eat it. She was going to be disappointed in him if he didn’t eat it so he had to eat it.

“Good! I knew you could do it. I’m so proud of you, Slaine!”

Her voice sounded so chipper and he couldn’t be happier.

Something must have gone down the wrong pipe because he started coughing. He could hear Inaho sigh as he got up, assumedly to refill his empty cup.

“...I wanted you to eat, not choke yourself to death.”

“Aaah, you’re bothering him again. You really are worthless, aren’t you, Slaine?”

I apologize, your Highness.

“I don’t want your apologies.”

Her voice suddenly went cold and then it disappeared—abandoning him—with the other voices screaming louder in her absence.

The cup of water was placed in front of him and he shakily took a sip of it to calm his throat aching from the coughing.

Each and every voice kept shouting at him.

Rebuking him.

Blaming him.

Hating him.

This was what he deserved.

This was his punishment.

“...Satisfied...?”

You have to be, right?

This is your revenge, right?

You wanted to see me suffer, so you’re happy now, right!?

“Relatively.”

His voice was as level as ever and Slaine wanted to cry from how pathetic he was while Inaho got to stay as the perfect hero, as the perfect knight. But he would not curse his fate. This was his punishment and though it hurt—his body telling him that he couldn’t possibly handle anymore—it was oh so painfully sweet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Inko?” He looked at the name of who was calling him. It had been awhile since he had answered one of her phone calls so he felt that he should at least pick up this one. “Hello?”

“Inaho! Oh my god, you actually answered!” Her voice was full of disbelief. “Ah, sorry, it’s just, you’ve been ignoring my calls lately.”

“Sorry, I’ve been busy.”

“...With Slaine Troyard, right?” Her voice definitely did not seem pleased.

“Yes.”

“Inaho...! Why do you even bother with that guy!?” This was probably the main reason why she called.

Yuki and Inko had been the most against him taking Slaine in. It was understandable as they had been the ones who had found him bloodied on the cold, steel floors of the landing castle in Russia, but it still was a bit of a nuisance to have them protest his every move. His mission right now was to free Slaine Troyard from the chains of misery and he would not abandon it till he succeeded.

“Inko...Thank you for your concern, but you really don’t have to be so worried. We’re doing fine.” It was true. Ever since that incident, Slaine had gotten even more obedient and proactive with living. He was decent at cooking now, proficient with chopsticks, actually talked instead of resorting to such childish forms of rebellion, and spent most of his days buried in books and the like. He was almost living something close to a normal life, if you didn’t count that he could never leave Inaho’s apartment.

“Inaho, you know this isn’t normal...You’ve basically locked him up in another cage.” Her voice was firm and laced with concern not for the blonde, but for him. “And now you’re wrapped up in it too. You don’t have to give up your life for him! Or for the Empress’ wish! You two haven’t even talked for more than four years!”

What was the point in trying to fulfill the wish of someone like that?

He was about to respond when he heard a crash coming from what appeared to be the kitchen. “Inko, sorry, but I have to go.”

“Inaho...!”

“I’m happy you called, really, I am.” He was truly blessed to have friends who continued to care for him like this. “See you.”

He could hear her protests as he drew the phone back down and hit end call. Rushing over to the kitchen, he saw Slaine staring blankly at the stove, glass shards spread across his feet.

“Slaine.”

The older man didn’t respond, continuing to look completely out of it. It was true that Slaine was improving, getting more interested in cooking and satisfying a thirst for knowledge, but there were also times when it felt like no progress had been made at all.

“Inaho.” Slaine snapped out of it and gasped when he saw the shards of what used to be a plate on the ground. “Ah, sorry! I’ll clean it up now!”

He knelt down to pick up the shards with his bare fingers till Inaho stopped him. “It’s not worth getting hurt over. I’ll go get a broom and pan.”

“...I’m sorry.” His eyes focused in on the remains of the plate, and then at his hands. No blood was spilt yet he looked as if they had been. “...Who was it on the phone?”

“Just Inko.”

“Was it okay for you to hang up on her like that?”

So he had been listening in on them and probably let the plate slip out of his fingers on purpose, to test Inaho, to see how deep the dedication to his cause was. If that was true, then Slaine truly was pitiful, convincing himself little by little that the hand that fed him belonged to one with no ulterior motives, to one who genuinely cared.

It was all so pitiful that it made him think for one fleeting moment that maybe he did.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Inaho.”

He was brought back to the present.

“...How?” That was the only thing he could say. There was no denying now that Slaine’s touch brought back memories of that horrible, cruel world.

“I’m not sure myself.” Slaine laughed, as if to mock himself. Could he be blamed for it? He was innocent in this world, yet this curse was forced upon him. It made him Slaine Troyard. Others would see him as Slaine Troyard. He was a different person, yet he couldn’t be.

“When did it start?”

“I remembered everything when I turned 16.” He spoke softly. “And that’s when it all went downhill I suppose. My first victim, if you could call it that, was my father.”

Inaho recalled that Slaine mentioned that his parents divorced and he hasn’t seen his mother since.

“He was probably a soldier who lost his wife and children during the second war. And now his wife was gone, his son used to be a hated enemy. I don’t blame him for going a bit strange.” Slaine talked about it as if he was talking about the weather even though it was about something as horrible as being forsaken by one’s parent.

“But, that wasn’t you.”

“He knew that. That’s why he didn’t abandon me. Though he didn’t exactly care for me either.”

“He beat you.” Inaho frowned. It wasn’t acceptable to do that to your son just because of what happened in another world. That kind of excuse wouldn’t pass under the eye of the law.

“He gave me a home and the clothes on my back. I never knew more, even back then. I have no complaints.”

“Even still—“

“It’s my punishment.” Slaine cut him off. Smiling mischievously, he leaned in closer to his ear and whispered. “One given to me by Kaizuka Inaho.”

He couldn’t bring himself to continue staring at those unfeeling blue eyes, but Slaine wouldn’t allow him to cover his ears to his words, he wouldn’t allow Inaho to cut himself off from that past. He leaned onto his back and he could feel Slaine’s warmth tingle down his spine.

Slaine grabbed onto his sleeve like a child would do to its mother to grab her attention. “...At first, I wanted revenge.”

He didn’t have to ask who Slaine wanted revenge on.

“I kept asking myself, why me? It wasn’t my fault, yet I have to suffer for it.”

He could feel the movement of Slaine’s cheeks against his back as he mumbled on.

“But then I saw you.”

He took in a deep breath.

“You were with your friends and even though you didn’t speak much, I could tell that you were still a part of them. You weren’t exactly the center of the group, you know, with how much of a brick wall you can be, but it was obvious that they wouldn’t be the same without you.”

He wanted to tell Slaine that it was mostly thanks to his friends that he hadn’t been left behind long ago. People like Okisuke kept on pulling his hand and without them, he would be just as alone.

“I felt betrayed then.” He laughed. “Here I was fussing about the past while you were living life peacefully with your friends and family. Without remembering a thing.”

“Is that why you approached me?”

“That really was an accident. Maybe you could call it fate though? A destined meeting between two, just like those cartoons this country likes to make so much.”

“I think you need to study other parts of our culture.”

“They’re entertaining though!”

He could tell Slaine was pouting behind his back.

“...As I got to talk to you more, I thought that maybe I should try to forget myself.” He reminisced, sounding slightly more cheery, but his voice quickly turned dark. “But, as soon as I thought that, I realized I couldn’t. That was the one thing that I could not do. And it made me hate you for not remembering.”

He took in a sharp breath, taking care to not let Slaine find out. He had suspected so, but he wasn’t ready for the blond to tell him so straightforwardly and out of the blue.

“A voice kept echoing in my head. Remember, remember...” Slaine’s grip on his sleeve tightened. “I felt like I was going to go mad if I didn’t do something.”

“So you made us remember.” His thoughts strayed to Yuki, Calm, and Inko. While he accepted that he should remember what had happened between them in that world, he didn’t want for his friends and family to go through those memories again. If Slaine wanted revenge, then it should all be directed to him.

“It’s not like I did it to hurt them, though it probably did. Everything I do ends up being like that, you know? But, I needed witnesses.”

“Witnesses...?”

“A punishment only serves its purpose when it’s overseen by others.”

He felt his blood go cold.

Slaine still wanted punishment.

Even after losing his status, his identity, his name, his life—everything—he still didn’t think it was enough.

“There’s no meaning to a punishment done for self-satisfaction, right?” Slaine let go of his sleeve.

“And there’s no meaning to a punishment without reason.” His hands balled into fists. “It’s irrational to take on punishment for a crime you didn’t commit.”

“Do you honestly believe that I’ve been forgiven for what I’ve done back then?”

“Why would you have to pay for something you physically did not do?”

“You certainly didn’t feel that way back then.” Slaine commented dryly.

“And that’s to be expected. I’m a different person.”

He was different.

He didn’t grow up learning how to pilot a robot. He didn’t have to fight in a war. He didn’t have to go through the pain of losing his loved ones. He didn’t understand how it felt to hate someone so much that you would never let them forget their sins.

He didn’t understand Kaizuka Inaho.

What was the point of making Slaine never forget when you ended up forgetting yourself?

What was the point of keeping up this pointless cycle of hatred?

Slaine didn’t respond, instead snuggling into his back even more. He could feel the individual strands of Slaine’s hair through his shirt and while it tickled, it made him feel how close Slaine was to him now. Slaine was warm and he didn’t need more of a reason than that.

Even if those hands brought ruin, he would not hesitate to take them into his own.

“And I’m different too.” He hesitated for only a split moment before speaking with a voice that would accept no protest. “That’s why I gave up.”

He wanted to ask what exactly he had given up on, but the words wouldn’t come out. He wishfully hoped that he had given up on punishing himself, but it was clear that that was not the case.

All he knew, all he could see, with these two eyes he has now, was that Slaine wasn’t looking to Inaho anymore and he could not fault him for it.

What did he have to offer to him in this life? He couldn’t give Slaine the punishment he desired. He couldn’t force him to revel in his crimes. He couldn’t even understand him properly.

Was it because he was a child?

Children are powerless.

The Kaizuka Inaho of that world compared Slaine to a cat that depended on the whimsical desires of its owner, but that was the same for all of the young in the world.

The world was not theirs to change.

There were things that would be out of their reach no matter how hard they tried.

Only the cruel ticking of the clock, the one-two-three of time could change that, but Inaho couldn’t wait and neither could Slaine.

He could not fault him for looking for the past Inaho when he was also looking for the past Slaine.

He wants Slaine to think nothing of that world, to believe him when he says that it has nothing to do with him, that he is his own person, yet all of his actions stem from the sole wish of wanting to save Slaine Troyard.

Which Slaine did he want to save?

It was as obvious as the glare of the light of the moon outside.

 

It’s impossible for a mere child to change the world.

No matter how smart you are, it won’t pave your way through.

No matter how clever you might be, it means nothing to those with years of experience.

No matter how much you try, there was no changing the clockwork of life.

 

No matter how much he tried, he would not be able to defeat that Kaizuka Inaho.

The past, one with an end already set in stone, could not be overwritten.

 

“Run away with me...” It was a desperate plea. One that he knew wouldn’t be answered.

“To where?”

“Anywhere.” It didn’t matter as long as it was a place he could forget his desire for punishment.

“How?”

“By this train.” A train that could travel across the Milky Way to that place where the meaning of happiness could be found.

“And what will we do once we get there?”

“Anything.” As long as it was something Slaine wanted to do, he would be happy to go along with it.

“How will we survive with no money or skills?”

“Somehow.” He knew he was smart. He could figure something out.

“Awfully illogical for someone like you, don’t you think?”

“I told you I was different from him.”

He was different. He would help him. He wanted to ---- him.

 

Slaine laughed. It sounded like the ringing of delicate bells and while it was so beautiful, it stabbed Inaho’s heart with a knife and twisted it for good measure. Slaine took his hands and he was once again surprised by how warm they were. His chest hurt because Slaine was this warm and yet, it still didn’t matter.

 

“Then, will you die with me, Inaho?”

 

You’ll fall together with me?

 

He smiled that beautiful smile that always took his breath away. His eye twinkled and that blue color of the ocean during stormy days captured him in its grasp and he knew that he would never be free of Slaine Troyard.

“I will.”

There was no hesitation. He would make up for what happened last time. Perhaps in their next life, they could meet as normal people. Perhaps they could be friends without those memories staining their future. Perhaps they could get to know each other and he could finally love Slaine, just plain old Slaine, without the past weighing down on them wherever they went.

The train stopped, signaling that it had reached a station. The timing was just too right, almost like the workings of fate. The famed interstellar cloud, Coulsack, almost seemed to swallow all of the surroundings outside. Slaine stood up off the bed, dragging him off of it as well. He pulled on his hand till they were out of the train and at the ticketing booth, the cool air of the night beating harshly on their faces. Slaine uttered the name of his hometown, the starting point of this journey, where he belonged, where everyone was waiting for him. Those grey tickets were handed into his slender, pale white hands and it marked the beginning of the end.

 

 

Inaho realized then that it was over.

It was all over.

This journey was over.

His struggle was over.

Slaine would go on, continuing to look for punishment for a sin that wasn’t his.

He would go on, abandoning him.

He would go on, leaving him behind, because he wasn’t good enough, because he wasn’t that Inaho.

He had given up on him.

 

He realizes now that nothing he could have done during this trip would have changed Slaine’s mind. It had been set from the moment he destroyed that painting of the sky.

Slaine did not wish for freedom. He went back into that man’s cage willingly, whilst being aware of the bitter road that lies ahead. But it did not matter because that was what he wanted the most. That was what he threw away everything else for.

And as a different Kaizuka Inaho, he did not possess the key to that lock. He did not have the ability to free him from that cage. And he especially did not have the ability to free someone who didn’t want to be freed.

He was not the one who would save Slaine Troyard.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sin.

Only three letters and yet they held so much weight and in his eyes, so much beauty.

Punishment was an even better word. Punishment was good and he welcomed it. It was proof of redemption, of loyalty, and of love.

Every scar on his chest, every bruise on his arms, every drop of his blood spilt upon the ground was punishment and he couldn’t be happier. He had committed many wrongs—so, so many crimes—that even if he repented his entire life, it would not be enough. Then, how about two lifetimes? Don’t be silly, two wasn’t even scratching the surface of the piles of bodies he’s procured on his selfish quest for a utopia on Earth for the one who owned his life in the first place.

Then how could he repent for all that he’s done?

No one will tell him because that’s a part of his punishment as well. Think for yourself for once! Don’t just repeat what you’ve heard like a parrot, that’s not what humans are made to do. Are you not human? Maybe Count Cruhteo was right when he rebuked him for never using his head, calling him sub-human scum. You were an awful person, but thank you for calling me by what I really am!

Punishment. He liked the sound of the word, though admitting something like that makes him seem like he’s setting himself up as the lead in a tragedy and he definitely wasn’t the star of any story. Acting like the victim would get him nowhere when there were people truly suffering out there. The true heroine of a tragedy was the Empress and he was the villain. While the antagonist is swept off stage, as he should, the heroine is still subject to heartbreak and more plights.

Pitiful was the only word he could use to describe it all. She was pitiful and he was despicable.

The audience’s pity would be directed at her, except for the strange souls that come in every once in awhile and sympathize with the villain. They’d justify his actions to others when it wasn’t needed or deserved. Thank you, but I really rather not.

Sin. He has too many to count and it will take him hundreds of lifetimes to fully repent for it all.

Though, will he remember it next time? He hopes he does.

Remember.

 

Remember, etch it into your brain, mark it on your body, repeat the motions, let it appear in your dreams, keep it a constant on your tongue. Remember!

 

Punishment. Inaho said that this was his punishment so he has to remember. This was the punishment he’s given him so he has to remember.

Remember what you’ve done, the sins you’ve committed, and finally, the punishment you’ve received.

 

That is surely the only love that you have received from this world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Inaho’s hands shook as he poured the cups of tea. It had been more than five years since Slaine came to live with him. The former Count had more freedom now, allowed to go where he pleased as long as he kept up his disguises and didn’t contact those who shouldn’t be contacted. His sister and friends were not pleased that it kept up this long. He didn’t blame them. He hadn’t had any real relationships since Slaine came, but he never felt like he was missing out on anything.

He had Slaine and that was more than enough.

Or perhaps, it wasn’t enough.

He laughed at himself, mockingly. For all his efforts and all his senseless thoughts. Who did you think you were? Were you that overconfident? Couldn’t you see? It was obvious from the beginning.

You failed.

He let out a trembling breath as he finished pouring the tea. He was fine, he would be fine. Shouldn’t he be glad that he finally had proof that he was truly human? He should be thankful.

The gun in his holster felt heavy.

Carefully holding the tray with the cups of tea, he entered the living room to see Slaine lulling on the couch again, his pale blonde hair shining brightly in the rays of sunshine that came through the windows.

“Slaine.”

“Inaho!” He smiled brightly and Inaho felt at ease seeing it. He wasn’t wrong, he couldn’t be.

“Here.” He handed the blonde a cup who gracefully took it into his hands. Slaine always did look the best when he was drinking tea.

He took his own and carefully sipped it, his red eye never straying from Slaine. He willed himself to etch every feature, every movement, every flutter of his lashes, every sound he made into his brain.

“Inaho?”

“Yes?”

“Isn’t it quite sweet?” He tilted his head.

“I added in some sugar for a change of pace. Do you not like it?” You can stop drinking it, failed to leave his lips.

“Ah, no, it’s fine.” Slaine continued drinking it, finishing it quickly. “It was great, thank you.”

He nodded in affirmation and set upon finishing his own. He was about to take the cups and tray away when Slaine stopped him.

“Keep me company for a bit.” He grinned.

“I’ll be back once I put this away.”

“Stay here.” He commanded and in surprise at his forcefulness, he numbly nodded, setting it back down on the table.

Slaine moved a bit to the side on the couch and patted right next to him, signaling him to sit down. He obeyed and was startled when Slaine pushed him down like he did many years ago. Instead of wrapping his hands around his neck, this time he plopped right down next to him.

“Take a break every once in a while.”

“I’m not fatigued though.”

Slaine snorted. “And you wonder why I think you’re like a robot sometimes.”

“I am fully human.”

“Now that you’ve taken out that eye.”

He didn’t respond.

“Hey, Inaho.”

“Yes, Slaine?”

He was leaning over him again, those blue eyes staring into his.

“Did it hurt?”

“...Obviously. Though I was unconscious immediately upon impact.”

Slaine placed a bony finger on the eye patch, and then traced it down to his lips. Inaho didn’t speak, allowing him to do whatever he wanted. He leaned in closer, his long blond hair tickling Inaho’s face.

Their lips connected.

He tasted sweet.

It was chaste at first, only the brushing of lips upon each other, but it soon became something more as Slaine’s tongue lapped at Inaho’s bottom lip. Responding, Inaho deepened the kiss and thoroughly enjoyed every sound that came out of the blonde as he explored every crevice of his sweet mouth.

Was it foolish? Of course it was, but he didn’t care. Not anymore.

He wrapped his arms around Slaine’s slender waist and pulled him close, feeling the outline of his entire body upon his, gravity doing its part to press them together. Never letting their lips part and reveling in the gasps that escaped those reddened lips, he felt himself slowly part with this world.

The orange hue of dusk seeped through the windows and painted over their bodies. That small fraction of time between afternoon and night made it seem like time had slowed to a creaking stop and they were plunged into a dreamlike world.

They were not in this plane. X, Y, Z—it was none of them.

His chest felt heavy and it wasn’t because Slaine was lying upon it. He still wasn’t at the sort of weight that could do that and as he entwined his fingers with Slaine’s, feeling the knock of bone against bone, he affirmed that he was not wrong. At least there was one thing that he wasn’t wrong about.

The tips of his fingers gently circled Slaine’s knuckles and his thumb played around with his. The orange of dusk darkened as it became a fiery red. He could feel Slaine’s soft and regular breathing through his nose and he closed his eye to kiss him again, unwilling to see any more and unwilling to see the red turn into the black of night.

 

But there is no night that doesn’t fall and there is no place on Earth where twilight doesn’t end.

 

Slaine’s breathing was harsh now, saliva connecting their parted lips. His eyes were dull and for a moment, he swayed before collapsing on top of him.

“Slaine?”

He moved over to get a better look at the blonde, his temperature incredibly hot.

“Inaho.” He managed to get out before almost passing out again.

“Yes?” He caressed that snow white cheek. It was probably time.

 

 

 

 

“What kind of poison did you use?”

 

 

 

 

“...So you knew.”

He laughed weakly. “I don’t need an analytical engine to figure it out. You chose an obvious one on purpose, right?”

“I did.” He wouldn’t lie to him about it, not when he was moments away from death.

“It was in the tea.”

He knew, yet he still drank it till there was not even a single drop left.

“Correct. Actaea pachypoda, common name, doll’s eye.”

Slaine clutched his pendant that lay on top of his chest. “...A sedative effect on cardiac muscle tissue. You chose quite the kind one, didn’t you.”

“I didn’t want to make you unnecessarily suffer.”

“I thought you would kill me using that gun of yours.” He looked over at the gun in the holster on Inaho’s chest, and then pointed at his left eye. “Just like I did to you.”

He didn’t respond. He had thought about that before, but ultimately decided he didn’t want to kill Slaine as revenge. Killing him by shooting out his eye just like he did to him on that snowy day in Russia would be just that and that was not the real reason he wanted to kill him.

He had failed.

He could not save Slaine from the chains of misery.

He had tried, he was sure of that, but it was no good.

Slaine was doomed from the beginning he landed in the Princess’ bathing quarters on Mars.

Slaine was so, so pitiful and there was no saving him.

The only thing he could do now was change his interpretation.

He didn’t want to see Slaine suffer anymore under that woman’s curse, didn't want to see him play fiddle for another, didn't want him to delude himself that he was happy when he most certainly wasn't, and if he was to go, he wanted to be the one to do it. He wanted the last thing Slaine saw to be him.

“Do you think I’ve done enough?” Slaine asked.

 

Am I forgiven for my sins?

 

“You have.”

You’ve done more than enough. You’ve done more than you’ve deserved.

Right to very last moment, he was still suffering from his punishment, one that he had given him. If he could take back those words, he would. If he could stop himself from being the force that made him suffer the most, he would.

“You can live freely, Slaine. You’re free now.” His voice was uncharacteristically desperate. Isn’t it foolish that he could only act this way when there was little to no time left?

Slaine laughed, the sound of it melodious to his ears. “Liar.”

“I’m not.” His voice sounded strained. He was the most sincere he’s ever been and Slaine should know that by now.

“Don’t feel bad about it, Inaho. This isn’t murder.”

“Within all definitions, it is and you have every right to resent me for it.”

He was going to say more when Slaine waved him silent.

“…....I can’t hear anything anymore.” Slaine weakly smiled, delicately touching his ear. His eyes lighting up with delight and a look of relief blessing his face. While he had tried many things, like cooking exotic meals and giving him hobbies to try out, nothing he had given the blond has made him smile with complete satisfaction like this. Then, what? Just what has he done for him? He didn’t deserve to be the one seeing him go, to be the last face burned into his memory, but this was his desire and this was his last, cruel act.

He was going in and out of consciousness, his grip on the pendant on his neck weakening, and Inaho knew that it was approaching. He held him close, basking in the blonde's warmth for one last time.

 

 

“Goodbye, Slaine.”

 

 

Even if he knew that these words would not reach him, he could not go on without saying them.

 

Slaine smiled at him, finally only for him, with the most beautiful smile he had seen yet and Inaho thought to himself that yes, he did indeed care.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Inaho held onto Slaine’s hand, even as the warmth slowly faded from it, and the darkness of the pitch black night engulfed them both. He had closed his eyes out of respect, but now he wanted nothing more than to see those beautiful blue eyes. But he couldn’t possibly pry those eyelids open, forcing him to suffer even after death.

 

He had failed.

 

The only success on his hands was that he had ended it all with his own hands.

He remembered all the times he spent with Slaine. All those cooking lessons, all the fights they had, all the food he cooked, all the days they spent just sitting there in each other’s company, all the smiles, all the mocking laughter, all the not-so-mocking laughter.

He remembered the warmth of his hands.

He remembered the warmth of his body.

He remembered the sweetness of his lips.

He remembered the tickling of his pale blonde hair on his face.

He remembered the look of his blue eyes filled with tears.

He remembered the feel of his lips upon his.

 

He remembered how satisfied he looked as he passed away.

 

He had failed.

 

He had sinned and this was his punishment. He was playing god when he was just as mortal as everyone else. His only regret was that he had to drag down Slaine with him before he could realize that.

 

Before he knew it, his hands had wrapped around the gun that was supposed to be in his holster. He pointed it right at himself, aimed straight at his left eye.

If he died by this, would it count as Slaine killing him?

By all means, he should have died on that day by Slaine’s hand. So he was just putting things back in place, making things right, correcting what went wrong.

 

Just like how the only person who could kill Slaine was Inaho, the only person who could kill Inaho was Slaine.

 

Voices started whispering into his ears. Yuki, Inko, Calm, Nina, even Okisuke. The Empress' voice overpowers them all, her strong and regal voice as beautiful as always. Telling him to stop, to live. Live, _live_.

Everything stops with one final voice. Everything reverts back to zero and soon would he.

 

He squeezed Slaine’s hand one last time, searching for any trace of warmth still left though there was none to be found, before pressing down.

 

 

 

The last sound made in the house was that of a gunshot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Inaho woke up to see Slaine’s sleeping face in front of him. They were both in the bed of the sleeper train home. Their hands were joined together.

His eye no longer hurt.

 

It was over.

 

Their story was over and their story was over.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Make sure to apologize to Yuki.” Slaine said as they reached a point where their ways home would split. “She suffered enough back then, don’t make her sad this time too.”

“I will.” He couldn’t look at Slaine. He knew if he did, everything would spill out and he couldn’t do that to Slaine when he couldn’t make any promises about the future that lay ahead.

“Alright.” He seemed satisfied enough and turned his back to him. He took a few steps and paused. “Inaho.”

“Hm?”

He turned around and smiled. It was so like the smile that Slaine Troyard had on his face moments before he passed and Inaho wanted to look away before he said what should not be said.

 

 

“Goodbye, Inaho.”

 

 

The moon was bright above them, shining a spotlight on them as if they were two leads in a play. He remembered how he first met Slaine properly face-to-face on that broken moon. He remembered the pounding of his chest when encountering him with gunshots. He remembered the flood of emotions that he had never experienced before when they traded rebukes. That was probably the start of it all, the start of the corruption of Kaizuka Inaho, and the start of this one-way road.

As he stared at the moon in an attempt to not look at the boy in front of him, he thought to himself how people of this world could hide their feelings behind its shadows. And he realized that he didn’t want to hide, he didn’t want to pretend as if it had never existed.

“Slaine.” His voice was firm despite how hopeless it all was.

Slaine had already said goodbye, so this was a loser’s charade, the delusions of a fool partying after the festivities were already over. 

But, even so, he didn’t want to hide or feel ashamed of this feeling in his chest.

If there was one thing that he would not give up on, it was this.

He was Kaizuka Inaho.

Maybe not the one Slaine was looking for, but be sure, that he was exactly who he was and Slaine made him who he was.

 

“The moon is beautiful.”

 

I can finally feel that way.

 

Slaine’s eyes, those brilliant blue eyes that were more beautiful than the moon he had just confessed to, widened before he bit his lip as if holding back tears. With his brows furrowed and eyes contoured with pain, he looked the most disturbed that he’s ever seen him, yet it was the most real he’s ever looked.

 

“..........It is, but it never lasts.”

 

The night sky will always be replaced with daylight and the moon will always cower at the appearance of the sun.

 

He closed his eyes, willing himself to not crumble in front of him.

 

So this is what rejection feels like. He could finally relate to Kaizuka Inaho on one thing.

 

With his eyes still shut tight, he could hear Slaine walk back to him and he felt the blond take his hands into a tight grip. There was no pain.

He seemed to hesitate for what seemed like hours until he finally drew in and Inaho felt the light brushing of their lips upon one another before the warmth faded from both his lips and his hands and Slaine was gone.

He doesn’t know when it started, but it was lightly raining. He had always hated the rain.

He was gone. He was gone. To know yourself, you should think about “what” is it that if you lose would make you cease to be yourself. And he’s no longer Kaizuka Inaho. He’s just Inaho. Yuki’s brother, Inko, Calm, and the rest of the group’s friend, and a pierrot to another’s show.

 

“Goodbye, Slaine.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life was normal after that. He came home before Yuki woke up and retrieved the letter he had left for her. Once she woke up to a bit more extravagant breakfast than usual, he apologized for his behavior and promised her that he wouldn’t associate with Slaine Troyard anymore.

Life at school was normal as well. He made the same promise to Calm and Inko, to which they reacted with utter relief, though he couldn’t exactly be pleased with their reaction. Though he understood that they must have felt incomparable despair upon discovering his body with a hole through his head and a gun in his hands in the past.

Yes, it was all normal.

Except his heart still stopped every time he caught a glimpse of that pale blonde hair when he walked through the corridors. His feet still froze and his eyes kept chasing after him from afar. He wanted nothing more than to go up to him, ask how he’s doing, if he’s eating well, if he’s not hurt, but knew that he could do none of these things.

He had no choice but to follow the rules of this world and the wishes of the one he wants to make happy the most. He had no choice because it was not he who had the key.

 

And if his happiness was not with him, so be it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Inaho walked into the classroom one day and was surprised to see how everyone was huddled in groups, gossiping amongst each other.

“Inaho!” Inko explained and quickly shook her head at the rest of the group, in what looked like an attempt to silence them.

“Hey, did you hear, Inaho?” Okisuke went up to him, oblivious to Inko’s warning. “I live in the same neighborhood so I saw it last night, but guess what happened?”

“What?”

“Okisuke!” Inko tried stopping him, but it was too late.

 

“Slaine Troyard was arrested last night for almost killing his dad!”

 

 

 

 

There is no overwriting a story that has already reached its ending.

There is nowhere for these regrets, these unrequited feelings to go.

 

And revenge is always the path that is better left untaken.

 

 

 

 

 


	3. The Reminiscent child awakens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking forever on this! I had trouble on this chapter last time too, but it is finally done! As always, my epilogues are not epilogue length..
> 
> HUGE thank you to @arizumu99 for drawing fanart for the 2nd ch of this fic! It's so beautiful!;_; Everyone please look at it!  
> https://twitter.com/arizumu99/status/638758737340043265

May 09, 2018.

Dabbling with his tablet, Inaho slowly flipped through the menu while waiting for the one he was waiting for to arrive. He had never stepped foot within this café before so he was unfamiliar with its menu consisting of oddly named drinks and fanciful sweets. The décor was of a pink color and he realized he stood out like a sore thumb amongst the various groups of girls with his suit and black briefcase. He glanced up to the door to check once again, the fifth time in the past ten minutes, and internally gave a sigh of relief at the sight of blonde hair.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Inaho!” His lunch “date” came through the doors, dressed neatly in what appeared to be the latest fashion trends though he was “light years late” in those as Inko would often tell him.

It was fifteen minutes past the agreed meeting time, but Inaho knew that she had always been like this and nodded reassuringly. “It’s fine, I haven’t been waiting long.”

She smiled brightly and sat in the seat across from him. “Did you choose what you want yet? I want a passion fruit iced tea and their walnut cream delight!”

“I’ll just have coffee and a muffin.”

“That's it? I really recommend their sweets, like their white chocolate macadamia cookies are really good!”

“I’m not that fond of sweets.”

“I remember you used to like them though...” She tilted her head and then called for the waitress.

He was surprised she remembered things like that, or rather, he was surprised she even knew. They hadn’t exactly been the closest of friends. He was sure that maybe only a select few knew that he did indeed have some preferences, but he’s grown out of ones like white chocolate. “Not anymore.”

Once the waitress had taken their orders and had left, they faced each other again in what felt like and was a long time.

“It’s great to see you again, Inaho.”

“Same to you, Nina.”

She smiled, her ash blonde hair fluttering in the light. “It really has been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Two years, I believe. How’s work here?”

“Oh, it’s great! I’m still a newbie so I don’t get much recognition, but just being able to work with the people I’ve admired for years is amazing.” She sighed dreamily.

It seemed that she really enjoyed her work here. Nina had left Japan after graduating high school to pursue a career in the fashion industry and there was no better place for that than here New York City in America. He vaguely remembered how conflicted she looked about leaving her friends, mainly Inko he presumed, but in the end, she decided to follow her dreams and abandoned all else to do so.

He was envious of her and how brightly she shined now, from the sparkle in her eyes to the air she possessed to the spring in her every step. While she no longer wore her golden hair in twin tails, she still had the same vibrant energy she had from when they were younger along with a newly found sharpness to her look that came with age and experience. She had matured into a fine lady in the two years that he hadn’t seen her and Inaho wondered if that was the power of what a dream could do. She was chasing after what she believed in, growing as a person as she did and it was all so bright that it was almost blinding.

Because he didn’t possess any dreams. Not anymore.

“What about you? Inko told me you’re the hot shot of a big tech company.”

“I’m just doing what I’m told.”

He was fortunate enough to be hired as a software engineer right off the bat, but he still had to follow the orders of the more senior employees and rarely ever branched out into his own projects or went forward with any of his ideas. It seemed that no matter where you went in life, you would always have to bow your head to those with seniority, especially in a society like Japan’s where age was a huge contributing factor to one’s position and status in a company. It was office politics like that that turned him off from the prospects all together and made him consider starting up his own company, perhaps in the Americas, as well.

But he had obligations in Japan and those ideas were left untouched more often than not.

“Well, at least you’re getting paid way more than I am?” Nina offered in consolation. “Fashion doesn’t really pay as well as you’d think.”

“Average salaries are skewed by the famous, few designers, it is well known.”

“Geez, you don’t need to put it like that!” She pouted, lightly tapping the table in front of them.

It was then that the waitress arrived with their orders and her attention was diverted elsewhere. Nina took a big stab at her cake, it seemed that some parts won’t ever change, and squealed in delight. He took a sip of his own coffee and was surprised by how rich the flavor was. He hadn’t expected much from a café that catered to mostly a younger crowd, but it seemed that he was wrong on that front. Maybe this was the standards needed to stay afloat in a place like New York City with its sky high rent and name value.

“So, you’re here for a conference? IT world, something like that?”

“Correct. The company offered to sponsor the trip, so Inko encouraged me to go. I have some items from Japan that Inko wanted me to give to you as well.”

“Yes! I knew she’d come through for me!” She grinned from ear to ear. “Some of this stuff you just can’t get around here and with my salary, I wouldn’t be able to afford rent if I had this stuff shipped overseas.”

“I’m glad the trip is of use then.”

“Tell Inko I have some designer bags and shoes for you to bring back to her too. It’s so much cheaper to buy them here, you would not believe.” She groaned about how ridiculous some of the prices she had to pay for foreign brands when they were still students in Japan.

“I’ll do so.” He took another sip of his coffee.

While he did have stuff to give her from Inko, it had been Nina who had originally called him out here, under the guise of catching up on old times. They hadn’t exactly been the closest of friends during their high school days and hardly ever kept in contact once she had left for America and even then, their exchanges were mediated by Inko. During high school, she was more of a friend of Inko which is why they naturally ended up associating with each other, but the times they would talk just one on one could be counted on a single hand.

He wasn’t surprised when she contacted him though and her motives for it were plain to see, even for someone like him.

He had thought of what to say, how to explain, but knew that he couldn’t because he simply wasn’t good at explaining feelings and such abstract concepts to another. He had always been about logic and the rational, but the matter at hand was anything but that and it was with great difficulty that he even progressed enough to conjecture why Nina would want to contact him.

It was an uncomfortable feeling to wait in your seat as you wait for what is surely to come. You don’t know when it will arrive, and you don’t know in what form it will present itself, but you know for sure that it is coming and there is no stopping it.

“How much longer are you gonna be in New York?”

“My flight is on the 12th.”

“So two more days, huh...” She leaned back on her seat, sipping at her iced tea. “I’m gonna be pretty busy for the next couple days though so can you come to my apartment after this to pick up the bags?”

“I’m free for the rest of the evening so I don’t see why not.”

“Alrighty then.” She smiled.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nina’s one bedroom apartment was decorated cutely in a style suiting to her image with lots of pink and purple with nifty contraptions and hangings on the walls and ceiling. Piles of fashion magazines and sketchbooks were laid out all over the floor with the table in the middle of the room covered from end to end with fabric and sewing tools.

“Do you make your own clothes?”

“Yeah! Only every once in awhile though because I’m so busy.” She jumped up. “You made me remember! I have some clothes I made for Inko. Can you give them to her too? I used the measurements from two years ago so I just hope they still fit...”

She rummaged through the stuffed closets located near her bed, tossing shirt after skirt after dress out onto the bed as she looked through the forest of clothes.

“She has gained two kilograms recently, would that prevent her from fitting?”

Nina stopped what she was doing and turned around to frown at him. “You’re as tactless as ever. How do you even know that?”

“I heard her fretting about it from the bathroom.”

“......” Nina shook her head and went back to looking. “Ah, found it! Here, take this and this, oh, this too, and there! My presents for the lovely Inko!”

Inaho’s hands were now full with bags and boxes. He grew up close with Yuki so he understood that many women have no eye for brands and clothes, but he still didn’t expect to be handed this much, but that might be because this was coming all from Nina to Inko. Actually, it was precisely because it was from Nina for Inko that there was so much.

“Inaho.”

“Yes?”

“How are things with Inko?”

He set down the bags that were obstructing his view; Nina didn’t deserve to have him respond on this subject behind the protection of fashion and high end brands. He wasn’t allowed any escape either.

“We’re doing fine.”

Her eyes narrowed and the air of the room seemed to grow heavier. “You guys have been dating for about three years now, right?”

“Yes.”

She almost seemed to hesitate before going through with what had probably been on her mind since the moment she stepped in that café and saw Inaho. “...And, that’s it?”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.”

“You guys aren’t taking things any further? No plans to move in together? Marriage?”

His breath caught in his throat, like he was suffocating underwater.

“We...haven’t talked about it.”

Nina smiled, though it wasn’t one of her usual bubbly ones. “Really? Not at all?”

“It has never come up. We have our careers to focus on.”

It hasn’t, but he remembers the lingering stares she would give as she left his apartment after staying the night over and the little smiles on her face when she would bring in her own mugs, slippers, toothbrushes, and the like. He remembers turning a blind eye to them all, taking advantage of her kindness to not say it out loud.

Nina looked like she couldn’t decide whether she was upset or angry, biting her lip and clenching her fists. “Then, what? Are you guys just gonna stay like that forever?”

“I believe it’s too early for us to start thinking about things like marriage.”

Nina laughed and muttered under her breath something he could not catch. Grabbing one more daintily wrapped package, she walked over to the kitchen, searching from the cabinets. After rummaging through a couple shelves, she found what she was looking for and handed him a box of sea-salt caramel chocolates. “Here’s the last of it. They’re from a start-up brand here and have a crazy following. I’m one of their fans too.”

He took the decorated box into his hands and placed it in one of the less full bags.

“Have you ever given Inko chocolates?”

“Naturally. It’s a highly successful marketing ploy, but it’s socially expected that the male gifts chocolates for special events like Valentine’s Day.”

Nina weakly smiled before closing all the cabinets she opened up in her frenzy to find the chocolates. “You haven’t changed at all, Inaho.”

They walked to the door to Nina’s apartment. His arms were already feeling the burn from the weight of all of Nina’s gifts, but that only served to show how deep her concern was for Inko.

“Well, I guess this is it. Take care, Inaho.” She had a somber look on her face as she waved him goodbye.

“You too.”

“...And take care of Inko.”

He stopped in his tracks, but didn’t dare to look back.

“I wasn’t sure whether I should tell you or not and she told me not to, but I think you should know.” Her voice lay heavy, almost as if it was increasing the force of gravity upon his shoulders. “She’s been calling me a lot recently, you know? At 3 AM. Crying. About you most of the time.”

“.......”

“She’s not as strong as she tries to act. You know that, right?”

Inko always tried to be a strong girl, always taking the role of the leader and commanding around boys as if her gender was no obstacle to her, but that also prevented her from really opening up about her own problems, fearing showing her insecurities would be seen as weakness. He wouldn’t deny that he knew that the situation was probably stressful on her, despite all her cheery smiles and upbeat nature, but he wasn’t aware that she was cornered to the point she couldn’t help but contact her best friend in a different country in tears.

Did he really not know or did he just turn a blind eye again?

It was times like this that he realized just how dirty of an adult he has grown up to be. Yuki used to always embrace him and assure him that he was kind at heart, no matter what others told him, but he knew somewhere in his mind that it was not true. He was unfair, incredibly unfair.

“No, of course you know.” She sounded more like she was trying to convince herself. Hearing her sigh of tension breathe out into still air, he finally turned around to face her. Her blonde hair and green eyes reminded him of two distinct people and he realized that it was as she said.

He was different, but deep down, at his core, he was still the same.

“Sorry about that. Don’t tell her I told you.” She laughed, trying to lighten up the mood.

“I won’t.” He gave her a small smile. They probably wouldn’t see each other for a long time after this and he hoped that the next time they would meet, it wouldn’t be like this. It wouldn’t be a reunion plagued with suspicion and feelings of doubt.

A high school reunion with all their friends sounded nice. They would drink alcohol now that they were all legal; Calm getting drunk only 30 minutes into the party with Okisuke egging him on. Nina and Inko, dressed up in outfits made by the blonde herself, would make fun of their antics off to the side, lamenting that no matter how much older they grew, they would never change. He would be there, appreciating the atmosphere that he hasn’t had a taste of since graduation. Everyone would be there, reminiscing about their high school days, showing off the achievements that they have made since, and dreaming about what the future had in store for them.

It’s a completely normal thing, something almost everyone goes through at least once in their lives, yet there was one who would never experience it.

“Don’t get me wrong, Inaho. You’re my friend and I mean that.” Nina held onto her arm, finding comfort in shielding away her body. “Just...take care of Inko, okay? Care a bit more for her...Okay?”

Her bright green eyes still seemed hesitant even after coming this far and it was with a bit of guilt that instead of pondering over her words, his attention is taken up by something else.

Caring for people takes a resolve that you just don’t have.

It’s not intentional, but Slaine Troyard’s words resonate in his head. He doesn’t remember the situation that led him to say such a thing, but he does remember the smirk present on his face as he spoke those words.

During those dreams, he had always pictured Kaizuka Inaho as one who cared about his friends and family above all else. He had risked his life when he was a mere student to take revenge for his killed friend, he had put his life on the line to save the Princess who he had befriended, he had strained himself and put himself through constant, agonizing pain to save his friends and comrades. Were those not all the actions of one with an immense amount of care for the people around him?

But Slaine Troyard saw through it all and how the man didn’t even realize it himself, bringing it up in a method of futile resistance and a last ditch attempt to hurt the man in any way possible.

Kaizuka Inaho was a peculiar one. He did not have a strong attachment to materialistic things or people, even if he did think of them fondly. It was easy to let go as long as they would be happy, even if they weren’t right in the palms of his hands. Yuki once asked soon after the war ended why he had been so calm in accepting the Empress’ sudden marriage and he only responded that as long as the world she lived in and strove for was safe and sound, he was satisfied. It did not have to be him bringing that dazzling smile upon her lips or opening her eyes to the endless sky above filled with the life that she had always dreamed of.

It didn’t have to be him.

Coward, you foolish coward, Slaine berated him. It sounded fine, perhaps even noble, on paper, but at the core, he could not deny that it was not based off logic and reasoning as an excuse to mask the unknown and shield it away from his own feelings. Others found clinging onto what they could not have anymore the more emotionally comforting path—perhaps that could be called the more “normal” path—but he found that letting go was the way that he could more easily accept and move on. It took resolve to hold desperately on and pursue what might be impossible and that was a resolve he did not have towards people. After all, he was well aware, so painfully aware, that once he was laid bare without little facts and trivia and without strength and knowledge, that once he was presented as just Kaizuka Inaho, that he was not confident that he possessed the words needed to keep people close and the ability to make himself a part of them as they do to him. The Empress had been a rare case which perhaps might have been why he had felt a strange sense of relief when he saw her doing well even after he had let go. Was it possible to keep matching up to her expectations if he did decide to pursue that fleeting dream? It was a question that no longer had any meaning. He did not find his resolve then and rationale covered up the wounds perfectly.

Slaine had smiled as he knowingly drank the poison down to the very last drip. It was a testament again to his own lack of resolve and Slaine swallowed it all down that snow white throat, accepting his weakness and cowardly rush to a premature game over.

He closed his eyes. The illusion of the blond vanishing the instant darkness took over.

“I will.”

She smiled, looking utterly relieved. “Bye-bye, Inaho.”

“Goodbye.”

The heavy sound of her door closing behind him was like the fall of a judge’s gavel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the end, Slaine wasn’t convicted. The prosecution dropped the case before it even went to trial.

It was a culmination of his father’s unwillingness to cooperate with the police on any questions about it, firm in his denial that his son had anything to do with his injuries, and the power that his family held in the first place. With just enough money and a skilled enough lawyer, you could easily weasel your way out of the courts, opting for mandatory rehab or community services instead or a clean slate all together.

It was almost laughable how Slaine was obsessed with punishment, yet the world as it was now treated it and the justice he sought for so lightly. The word simply had no meaning anymore and that was evident by how the fate of the defendant was not up to the judgement of the law, a result of social norms anyway, but of various circumstances like status, background, and wealth. There was no redemption to be found in that.

He wondered for what purpose Slaine did such a thing. Did he finally decide he couldn’t take any more of his father’s abuse? Did he want revenge on him? Was he seeking out another punishment to lift the burden of the imagined sins upon his shoulders? Did he do it to stay away from him forever?

The Kaizuka Inaho of that world told Slaine that death was not atonement. That living was a much harsher fate.

The actions of the Slaine of this world seemed to embody that. He willingly accepted all the misfortunes that befell him and even procured his own because that was what he thought his justice was. Absurd and daresay foolish when throwing enough money at something would erase the existence of any faults committed. Where was the honor in that? Could that be called justice? The world was unfair so he should just take advantage of that just like every other person here. It was all a matter of sense of mind and yet he acted as if there was a universal truth. No, he made Kaizuka Inaho’s words his universal truth.

And the words of someone like him wouldn’t change that.

The Troyard family moved away after the incident. Understandable since the gossip mill consisting of bored housewives had spread rumors all over the community before the case was even dropped by the prosecutors. He wrinkled his brow in disgust at the exaggerations made about the case and the circumstances surrounding it that people made up to fuel their own entertainment.

After that, he hasn’t contacted Slaine since. He still has his number in his phone, but for the life of him, he could not press the dial in fear of hearing a deafening beep of an automated message telling him that the number is no longer in service. While he usually disliked the unknown and sought out to know as much as he could to feed his almost unquenchable thirst for knowledge, he put up with the uncomfortable feeling of being in the dark because he knew that he could not accept the answer right now. Not yet. Though that begs to question of just when will he be ready to know the truth? After meeting Nina and being forced to look at the state of affairs with Inko, he felt like that reality would always evade him.

Inko. They had started going out in the last couple months of their final year of high school. About a year after Slaine had disappeared. If he was made to evaluate himself, like Nina just did, he was not able to say that he loved her in the way she did him or even with the same depth, though he could swear upon his life that he did indeed love her, and she knew as she said so when confessing her feelings on the rooftop of school, the blindingly red light of dusk masking her colored cheeks.

But she said she would wait. Wait for him to forget the past, to forget that pale blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes, to forget his own crimes, to forget the powerlessness he felt. She smiled as she said that she was used to waiting and it was then that he realized that in the past as well, Inko had liked Inaho. It was a heavy realization for him. He did not know how he could possibly return the affections of two lifetimes when even now he hesitates for a split second before kissing her waiting lips and holding that slender, feminine body, not so unlike someone else’s but definitely different.

It was with a burdensome mixture of guilt and apologetic penance that he spent his days with her. It wasn’t right for him to depend on her kindness like this, but she welcomed it, all while whispering her own apologies and guilt for a fault that wasn’t even her fault. She was like Slaine in that regard. He had to depend on her resolve because he could not find his.

Their relationship was a slow one; to the point his friends would constantly badger him to take the lead more and would poke fun at him for his lack of open expression of affection. They probably sensed how fragile their relationship was even then and did so to lighten up their doubts and concerns. He cared for her, he truly did. She was an important person him back then and now, and he owed her much more than he could ever hope to repay, for more than just holding out a hand to him when they were young, for more than bringing hope to his and Yuki’s bleak world after their parents had passed away, for more than saving him from the spiral downwards he was putting himself through after that day.

While it was not completely that sort of love, it was love nonetheless, and she was still an irreplaceable person in his life and he would take the steps necessary for her to continue to live happily. Perhaps that was a form of resolve.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

May 10, 2020.

He tossed over to the other side of his bed again for what must have been the hundredth time tonight. Feeling a migraine coming on, he sighed to himself and turned on the light, ultimately deciding that tonight was going to be one of those nights. Groggily heading out of the door to his bedroom, he opened up the cabinet in the hall to obtain a small bottle of sleeping pills. This was his best friend, his caretaker, and his sleeping mistress nowadays. Popping two capsules into his mouth, he made a face at the bitter taste in his throat. Fitting for the bitterness of life, he joked to no one in particular. But you have to have a bitter mouth to swallow a bitter world, right?

He made his way to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, promptly downing it down to wash away the stubbornly clinging aftertaste. In the darkness of the dead of night, he stood alone with only the bottle of water in his hand as company. Well, it could be worse. It could just be his hand.

He leaned onto the marble counter-top, letting out a long heave of air. Rubbing his tired eyes with his hands, he glanced at the clock. It read 3:50 AM. He would have to get up for work in two and a half hours. He hoped that those pills loved him enough today to let him have at least half an hour of sleep.

Today was his last day at this company so he wanted to leave at least on a positive note even if he didn’t like the inner workings of the company or the incompetent people who populated it. His next job was already secured and he would be moving to the States in a little less than a month to bring his services to a well-known start-up. He would be leaving Japan, and his friends, if you could still call them that, and family, and he was well-aware that this made it seem like he was running away, and in a way it was, but what was done was done and there was no taking back words already spoken. This was the path hehad  chosen and this was what he had decided would make him happy.

Taking a look around at the lonely kitchen, he ran a finger alongside the spotless stove. He hadn’t had the time to cook nowadays, with all the hassle of handling his new residence in America and breaking the lease on this apartment, and it wouldn’t be a lie to say that he was simply tired of cooking meals for only himself. Back when Inko was still around, they would cook together, mainly Inaho doing all the brunt work with Inko helping to cut vegetables and setting up plates. It had become somewhat of a tradition, one of the few that they had in their relationship, and standing in the kitchen alone like this reminded him that he missed it. There weren’t any memories of Inko in this apartment because this was one that he had moved into after they had broken up. For the sake of accuracy and Inko’s honor, it would be more correct to say that she had left.

It was times like this that he was tempted to have a small drink under the pale light of the moon, to forget for even a moment, but his tongue disliked the taste of alcohol and his brain was sick of its own cells committing suicide. In a rigid society like Japan where if your superior tells you to drink, you drink, it was not uncommon for him to stumble into his apartment in the late hours of night, suppressing the urge to hurl. That was another thing he hated about working there. Didn’t they learn in primary school that no means no? Well, that makes you sound like an unwilling girl, he chided himself.

Even if he was clearly more skilled than his peers and elders, he was still stuck in the long process of hierarchy and that was something he couldn’t stand. He had disliked the atmosphere from the start, but he stayed on because it was highly likely that other companies were about the same and running away to overseas was not at an option at the time. Now that he’s a free man, he can do what he pleases and escape such incompetence. But his freedom was costly, almost too costly, and he took another swig of the water before walking back to his bedroom, eyes lingering upon the almost full moon up above in the midnight sky.

Making himself comfortable in the sheets of the strangely large bed, he closed his eyes and hoped that sleep would fall upon him soon. It was in the pitch black of the newfound night that he saw waves of blue and radiant smiles, hands reaching out for him yet not quite there. Only one more day and they would finally meet again. It was then that the pills started getting jealous of the dreams he saw without them and pulled him away into deep slumber.

He doesn’t dream.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

October 20, 2018.

“Inaho, I have to go buy something so just go on ahead without me, ‘kay?” Inko smiled to him as she grabbed her purse from his hands. They were out shopping for groceries together, once again victorious in the egg wars, and the plan was to drop by his apartment after to cook dinner, a tradition of theirs now.

Seeing as how they were going back to the same place anyway, he called out to her. “I can go with you.”

“I’m not sure how long it’ll take, so just go back and get started. God knows that you’ll probably do better than when I’m around.” She smiled sheepishly.

He frowned. It didn’t matter if things proceeded more smoothly when she was not in the kitchen because the whole point was to spend time together, especially when they haven’t seen each other often these days with how busy each was with their own lives. He was about to voice his protests when she waved him off and briskly walked into the crowd, disappearing within seconds. It was only then that he thought of the possibility that it might be for some more personal issues or those found only by the female gender and he lectured himself lightly for being so dense yet once again. He might as well do what she’s asked of him now so he readjusted his hold of the bags filled with freshly bought vegetables, pork, and eggs, and set off in the direction of his apartment.

As he fumbled with the keys, his cell phone started ringing. However, his hands were occupied at the moment so he simply crossed his fingers that they would be patient enough or it was Inko as he finally managed to get the door open and stumbled inside. He placed all the bags in the hallway and hurriedly searched for his phone in his pockets, slightly surprised that they hadn’t already hung up at this point.

It was an unknown number, but he picked it up all the same seeing as how it might be a client or co-worker whose phone number he never got down.

“Hello?”

The other side was silent. Was it a prank call?

“May I ask who is calling?” He grabbed one of the grocery bags off the ground and balanced the phone on top of his shoulder by pressing against it with his ear as he made his way to the kitchen.

It was still silent, but he could faintly hear the intake of a breath on the other side.

He placed the bag on the counter and took out the carton of eggs, opening up the fridge to place them in the rack on the side. His movements were clumsy as his head was still pressed against his phone and he sighed. “Excuse me? If you have no urgent business, I’m on off-hours currently, so if you could please call back when—“

 

 

“.......Inaho...?”

 

 

His hands holding the eggs froze and the carton slipped onto the floor, cracking their contents all over the hardwood polish.

He recognized this voice. He couldn’t possibly forget this voice. How long had he wanted to hear this voice?

His legs felt weak and he leaned against the side of the fridge for support, hands frantically retrieving his phone off his shoulder. Both of his hands trembled as they held it up right in front of his face and he slid down onto the floor as he buried his face into his arms, hands still desperately holding on the last link he had.

He couldn’t find his voice, but he had found him.

He had found him.

“Inaho? It’s you, right? I’m pretty sure I got the right number...” He could hear the blond’s soft voice fret through the speakers.

Licking his chapped lips, he held up the phone to his ears with both hands in fear that they would shake so much that he would drop it down into the ooze of yellow upon the surface of the floor. He ignored his dry throat as he finally spoke the name he’s been dying to say for so long. The name he spoke of so often even back then. The name he keeps within his chest almost like a holy prayer.

 

“...Slaine?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They were the shortest ten minutes of his life.

He said that he only had that much to spare, but it didn’t even matter because he finally got to hear his voice again, he got to talk to Slaine again. They were almost like infants taking their very first steps in the beginning, each as hesitant as the other to speak, but feeling a sense of urgency as time ticked down, a flood of words, seemingly about nothing at all, spilled out from his lips and soon they couldn’t stop talking. They talked about simple things, things that didn’t let him peek into the years right after he had left or the events surrounding his disappearance because those were better left out when they were still in the starting stages of communicating again. It was much ado about nothing, but it was everything to him and it was not uncommon for him to clench his hands into tight fists to hold in the feeling of wanting to just pour out every little thing he’s been holding in and building up through all these years.

And then, finally came goodbye. The ten minutes were up and Slaine sounded lonely as he said that he had to go.

“Will we talk again?” He had to know. He couldn’t let it end like this, not again, not after what happened last time when he saw him off. He didn’t know if he could wait another five years. Time passed by quicker as you grew older and while five years felt like forever back then, it would be close to nothing now. In five years, he could have tied the knot with Inko and have kids like all his friends and family wanted him to. In five years, he could be obligated to someone else irreversibly. In five years, those memories they’ve shared might be simply that—a memory. A beautiful, embellished memory and that was not how he wanted to clean things up. He didn’t want to find himself looking back and just think that it was a small mysterious event that happened in the summer of his high school youth with a sudden glimmer of it again now.

He could hear someone in the background call out Slaine’s name.

“...Yeah. Let’s.” He could picture Slaine smiling behind the absence of visuals and he was overwhelmed with the desire to see him, feel him, embrace him.

“Do I just have to call this number?”

“Mmhm, then just ask for Slaine Troyard.” The sound of a chair scraping along the floor could be heard. “It was nice talking to you again, Inaho. It really was.”

“...Same here, Slaine.” It really was.

“Bye.” Short and sweet.

“Bye.” Forced and longing.

 

His hand fell once he heard the sound of the other end hanging up and he stared into space aimlessly. His phone had returned to the call history page and up at the top was that string of numbers—the string that connected him and Slaine.

“Inaho?” He heard a voice.

It was Inko.

She was staring at him from the entrance to the kitchen. He looked around and realized how ridiculous he looked on the floor with a pile of broken eggs in front of him.

She started laughing and brought out her phone to take a couple of photos. “I can’t believe you! Are you that depressed because they broke?”

It seemed she misunderstood, but it was better that way.

Taking his silence as soft pouting, she giggled again as she grabbed the roll of paper towels off the counter. “Even you can let go of your precious eggs every once in awhile. Cheer up, Inaho! They were on sale anyway.”

She started cleaning them up and as he got up off the floor to help her, he realized that the scene of spilled eggs upon the dark floor was like when he and Slaine first met and he wondered for a moment whether the definite end of their journey would be the same yet once again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

June 10, 2019.

Drops of water formed by the condensation of moisture in the air surrounding the cool drink slowly inched their way down onto the table, forming a small puddle around the tall glass of lemonade. It was left mostly untouched as the two bodies facing one another across the table remained silent, a dark atmosphere surrounding them that kept incoming customers and even their waitress at bay. All he could do was to wait for the other to speak as it was not his right to hold that position. He had made choices with the full knowledge that this inevitable event would come and there was no running away from it now, and even if he could, he would not.

This was almost sort of a trial for him. A trial to prove that he had what it took to reach out and grasp that hand. It was funny how he back then he had no hesitation in reaching out—and never failing to let go—but now he has his doubts because it was wrong and he knew that. He knew that this was the same as falling into the depths of a fiery hell, but he was reminded of the day that Kaizuka Inaho whisked Slaine Troyard away from that bleak prison. Their shadows were connected through their almost interlinked hands and it was then that a contract had been made and accepted by the world as they knew it. Their fates had been intertwined from that moment and that was why he could stand walking on a road made up of burning coal, the physical manifestation of feelings of all the people he had to hurt to get here. Was this not resolve?

Calm played around with the straw in his lemonade, the swishing of the ice fumbling around in the liquid creating a rhythm that he was nodding his head to as he stared off to the side and not in Inaho’s direction. He used to tap his fingers onto the table whenever something was on his mind, but it seemed that he had grown out of that habit and jumped straight into another one.

He was the same as ever. More mature in both looks and overall nature, but his smile still had that boyish charm that eased the nerves of people around him and he still had that big heart that held a bit too much empathy within it. When something happened to you, Calm would be right there feeling the exact same emotion that you felt. It wasn’t just cheap words of sympathy; he would truly feel anger on your behalf, grief for the tears you couldn’t shed, and joy when just one person’s celebration wasn’t enough. He could be brash and impulsive, but his heart was at the right place and that was probably allowed Inaho to remain friends with him so long even though they were so different from each other. He talked enough for two people’s portion, enough for him. He was always talking.

“To tell the truth...” Calm started. “I always felt bad about that time.”

“...That time?”

The blond nodded, still twirling the straw within his cup. “I shouldn’t have yelled at him like that. It wasn’t...his fault, but I just couldn’t stand it.”

He realized that Calm was talking about when he confronted Slaine that fateful day back in high school.

“...You were young.”

We all were. We were all just children. We were back then too, in both meanings of the word.

“I didn’t think it would end up like that.”

“And it was of no fault of your own.”

It was his.

“I know that now. But, I told myself something that day. Think before you act, let old grudges stay dead...Be more accepting of what goes against your beliefs.”

“I don’t know about the think before you act part, but for the others I can tell you were trying.”

Calm weakly smiled, the first one that he’s shown today. “Give a guy a break, will you? You know using my head isn’t my strong point.”

Of course he knew, of course he knew that his strengths were his emotional capacity and ability for empathy and he admired him all the same for them.

“That’s why...” He closed his eyes as he finally stopped swirling around the straw in the lemonade. The ice had mostly already melted away. “That’s why, sometimes, I feel myself forgiving him…He was a kid, he was younger than we are now when he died. You too! You were both so young...so…young, and no one helped you, no one even knew till it was all too late.”

“Calm...”

“But at the same time, think of all the other lives that ended early because of what he did.”

He swallowed down the words “it was war”. Those words were what he depended on during those harsh battles and despair at losing his loved ones, but they would never and should never become excuses.

“You know when the war first ended, and I was sitting at a park, doing nothing really, just staring off into space...I still couldn’t really believe it was all over then, you know? I felt like at any moment I would get a call saying I have to get back to the Deucalion and go through that hell all over again. And then that’s when I saw a couple with the woman holding a baby in her arms. A baby...Can you imagine that, Inaho? A baby born during times of war. When we thought for sure this war would go on till either side was completely massacred.” Calm’s voice shook. “And that’s when I thought, aah, the war is over.”

It’s over.

“I’m not ashamed to say I cried a little then. From sadness, joy...relief...I don’t know, but I couldn’t hold it in.” He was regaining the firmness in his tone and he looked at Inaho straight in the eye. “But I know for sure that from the bottom of my heart, I was glad that Slaine Troyard was dead and I would never forgive him for almost taking everything away from so many people.”

He took in a breath as the words he predicted would come came true.

“But...you know, I came close to forgiving him. No, it’s not right to say forgive...but from my standpoint, it’s close to that sort of feeling.” He smiled that sad smile once again. “I’m so close to forgiving Slaine Troyard, so why, Inaho...? Why?”

 

“Why are you making it so I can’t forgive you?”

 

“I can try to forget about Troyard. It’s not a problem with him, it never was, it’s me. But you...You’re actually the one who’s doing this. It’s you. And you can’t blame it on childish youth or adolescence anymore. We’re adults now, right? We have to take responsibility for our actions, right?”

“Correct.” Though he wishes he had never grown up.

“So, why...? You’re smart, you’ve always been smarter than me. You always think before you act, so why?”

“This is the choice I’ve made, Calm. And I’ve made it with the knowledge of the effects it would bring.”

Calm bit down his lips as his face morphed into an expression of agony and Inaho’s heart hurt from just looking at it. Calm tried speaking, but his mouth moved aimlessly like a goldfish out of water, almost as if he was suffocating in his presence.

“So that’s how it’s gonna be?”

“Yes.”

“You won’t go back on your word?”

“Yes.”

“No matter what?”

“Yes.”

“You always were stubborn...Always so sure you were right. And most of the time you were, no matter how much I hate to say that.” He darkly laughed. “You’re going to throw away all those years with her because of him?”

“It’s for him.” Not because.

“I can’t understand you. You have everything. Your work, status, ability. A normal life is right there in your hands and you’re going to throw it all away. The past is the past, I can forget about that, but what you’re doing right now is hurting the people right in front of you. You understand that, right, Inaho?”

He didn’t respond and Calm took that as an affirmation. “You’re my best friend, Inaho. There was no one I wanted to be happy more than you back then and even now. You went through so much. You deserved at least that.”

His chest clenched tight, but he still could not shake his resolve. Calm fell silent and finally, stood up, placing money on the table.

“You’re my best friend, Inaho.” He repeated, and then finally smiled with a look in his eyes as if he could not stand to look at him any longer in fear of saying too much or what he might regret. “But Inko is my friend too. And even if I probably can’t bring myself to forgive you right now...and I might never be able to, I really, I really do wish you the best.”

His vision swayed and it took all of his willpower not to call Calm back. This was a trial, he reminded himself. You knew this was going to happen, he reminded himself. You had to have been prepared for this, he reminded himself.

“Take care, okay?”

He opened his mouth to speak, but found that he too had lost his ability to voice out his feelings. He too was suffocating. He stiffly nodded and Calm gave him a small smile before patting his shoulder as he passed.

“Bye, Inaho.”

He closed his eyes, willing the world to be plunged into darkness, but flickers of light kept it from being completely black.

His life was full of goodbyes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

November 14, 2018.

“But in the end, the protagonist had actually planned everything from the start and managed to save her! Even his death had been planned, isn’t it amazing?” Slaine eagerly chattered into the phone.

He had been taken with thriller movies lately and would spend most of the time of their calls recommending him new ones and gushing about the latest one he was enraptured with. He hadn’t minded it; he was satisfied with just hearing the sound of his lively voice. Most of the calls were made from Slaine’s side, it was simply easier that way. He would call him when he had the chance instead of him putting his hope into a basket and hoping he was available.

He remembered the first time he called the number, his fingers trembling as they tapped on the screen of his smartphone. The voice that answered was not that beautiful, soft voice he had expected, but that of an older woman and it was from her that he realized just where Slaine was, what kind of life he has lived these past years. When he was put through to Slaine, he acted as if everything was normal, that where Slaine was at was normal. It was clear to them both that he knew just exactly what type of place the blond was, but they both turned a blind eye and played a game of pretend. A game where Inaho wasn’t with another and Slaine was not a patient at an exclusive mental hospital.

He didn’t ask him when he got there. He didn’t ask him what sort of treatments he was receiving. He didn’t ask anything at all, and he sometimes wonders if he should, but he felt an irresistible urge to be the last “normal” thing in Slaine’s life. He wanted to be that normal place for Slaine to come back to, even though he was still not so. He was setting up a sanctuary for the bird to come rest its wings without even providing a way to it. His mouth and his words, the path pavers, sealed tight.

His phone buzzed and he moved it away from his ear to see who was calling in the middle of his call with Slaine.

Amifumi Inko.

Sensing something wrong, Slaine said. “...You can take it. I’ll hang up.” The energy from before was lost in his voice. It had only been five minutes into the call; they still had five more precious minutes.

He was about to voice his protests when his phone buzzed again and before he could do anything else, the line with Slaine went dead and just like that, the link between them was cut again. He stared at his ringing phone, he furrowed his brow and failed to swipe the call to receive before it too went dead.

His fingers hovered over the call log, tempted to call Slaine again, but he realized that it was impossible. One call per day, so even if he wanted to, they would not allow Slaine to come pick up the phone. Sighing and pressing his face into his hands, he leaned back on his chair and tried calming his aching head.

He had never been so indecisive before. It had all felt so easy back then, the correct answer, the right choice always so clear in front of him. Yet now, he just didn’t know what was right. No, he knew what was right in a conventional sense, but what was right to he himself was still covered in a thick haze.

His phone rang again, displaying Inko’s name once again and this time, with a hesitant hand, he picked up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

June 08, 2019.

“Yahoo, Nao!” Yuki popped her head through the door to his new apartment. “Guess who stopped by to help you unpack!”

She was smiling ear from ear and he found himself smiling just because she was. He rarely got to see Yuki ever since she married and even less after she was blessed with her first child. A son with bright amber eyes just like his mother’s.

“You can just sit on the couch.”

“What!? Now that is rude, Nao!” She puffed out her cheeks and he chuckled to himself that she hadn’t changed a bit. “I’ll have you know that I am perfectly capable of household chores now. Hmph!”

“Sorry, but I think the memories of me having to clean up after you and get you out of bed every morning are too deeply rooted in my brain.” He joked with her as he placed another box onto the counter.

“Guaa.”

He paused at the unfamiliar sound. He turned around and saw that Yuki was now actually standing inside, her baby in her arms. She held him up and smiled. “He’s happy to be at his favorite uncle’s house!”

His cheeks softened as he looked at the child waving its hands back and forth, its big round eyes staring up at him. “I’m his only uncle, Yuki.”

“So you’re automatically his favorite. Isn’t that, right?” She snuggled up to him and bopped his nose with her own. She then held out a bag to him. “Here. To celebrate your new place! These cookies are pretty famous. It took forever to line up for them.”

He took it out of her hands and then she plopped down on the couch with her baby in hand. He inwardly smiled. So she was going to just sit on the couch after all.

“So, what’s been up?”

“Besides moving? Nothing much. This place is a lot closer to the company so it’s more convenient on that part.” He walked over to the kitchen to prepare some tea and set down the package. Knowing Yuki, she had probably also bought them because she wanted to eat them herself. “And you? Is your husband not tired from having to deal with you all the time?”

She shook her body in protest and her child squealed in delight. “R-u-d-e! We are doing perfectly fine! It’s a beautiful mutual-love, after all.” She raised her nose up high, a light pink color dusting her cheeks.

He smiled again from how happy she looked. He was glad, he truly was, that Yuki had finally found someone that would treat her preciously and that she could love in return. As he was growing up, he had always felt a bit of guilt in the back of his mind, a fear, you could say, that he was holding her back. When she should have been spending time with friends, finding a boy to like, establishing relationships that could last a lifetime, she spent her free time on him so he was glad that she was finally living life for herself. Besides, she had someone else to protect now, he thought as he looked at the baby in her arms.

“I’m glad.” He placed a cup of tea in front of her along with a plate with the cookies she had brought.

“And what about you, Nao?”

“Hm?”

She reached for a cookie and munched on it. “Are you doing okay?”

She was paying a bit too much attention on the sweets and tea in front of her and he was filled with a mixed feeling. Had they always been like this? They had been closer than normal siblings because of the circumstances of their birth. Yuki wasn’t only his sister; she was his friend, his confidante, his mother. And for them to talk in veiled words and hidden messages, not being able to say what was truly on their mind, was the sign of cracks appearing along a surface that would soon threaten to break. It was with a heavy voice that he said “I’ll be fine. It’s not me who you should be concerned with.”

Yuki’s expression contorted into one of pain and she leaned forward till she was nearly on the edge of the couch. “How can I not? You’re my brother. You’re my Nao!”

“From the point of view of others, I was definitely in the wrong.” Even he accepted that fact.

“It doesn’t matter to me who was in the wrong.” She shouted hotly. “Of course, I’m worried about Inko, but to me, Nao, you’re the most important. What others think doesn’t matter to me as long as you’re okay! Your happiness is what I want the most!”

“Yuki, I—“

“And if it means chasing after that damned Troyard, I can accept that! I can try to accept that!” Her voice cracked and the sound of her screams startled the child in her arms and it started crying. She froze still for only a moment before turning her attention back to her child, her baby, the one that really was the most important person in her life. Not him.

After a couple minutes, the baby stopped his crying and was fascinated instead by her fingers. She stared at it with teary eyes as it eagerly grabbed at the ring that lay on her left hand. “Nao...children are wonderful, aren’t they?”

“I agree.”

Infants were wonderful, beautiful creatures. They were completely defenseless and dependent on others, but at the same time they held such a strong power that most have lost with time. That innocent glow in their eyes almost made him want to turn away to shield them away from the dirt he carried upon himself, but he couldn’t escape from their gaze. Perhaps, deep down, he wanted to be the same as them. He wanted to be able to look at the world with such pure eyes, he wanted to be able to not have to think of the responsibilities and duties he had and just chase after what he wants from subject to subject, the only thing driving them being their curiosity. He truly wished he could go back, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t and that was the commitment he has made.

“I was young when you were just a kid, so I couldn’t experience it like this till now. And now, every day is a joy for me.”

“I’m glad that you’re happy, Yuki.”

Yuki buried her head in her child’s body and he giggled at the strange feeling. “And that’s why I wanted you to experience this too.”

His breath caught in his throat as he stared at mother and child.

“I wanted you to be able to feel what it was like to have your very own child in your arms like this. I wanted you to be able to watch as they grew up and maybe they’d get rebellious, or maybe they’d be just like you and accomplish everything with ease so you hardly ever have to really parent them. Or maybe they’d be a perfectly normal kid. It didn’t matter what they would be like, because anything would have been perfect. They’d have been perfect because they’re your child and what kind of parent can’t love their child, no matter how they are?”

Images of Slaine with the eye patch over his eye and bruises on his wrist flashed past his eyes and he knew that there were some who couldn’t.

“It’s a wonderful feeling, something I wouldn’t give up for the world, Nao. And I wanted you to be able to experience it. I wanted you to be happy, Nao!” She looked back up at him and he saw that she was staring directly at his left eye. The eye she had seen lodged with a bullet not once, but twice.

His heart hurt as he realized that she had been the one to find him and Slaine dead in that apartment. He had let her see his lifeless body not once, but twice. And the second time, it was final.

“...To tell the truth, I can’t stand the thought of you with him anymore. I keep thinking of the bad and only the worst situations pop up in my head. I can’t go through that again, Nao, I can’t.”

“I know, and I promise it won’t ever develop into that again.” That was the circumstances of the Kaizuka Inaho and Slaine Troyard of that world where death and murder were always company.

She held the infant close again and closed her eyes. “...The most important thing to me is your happiness, Nao.”

They both wished happiness for the other. While they were not the inseparable siblings like they were when they were young, they still were important figures in each other’s lives and could not live life without the other’s presence and spirit. He didn’t have to think hard about Yuki’s life after the Kaizuka Inaho of that world passed.

“Inko’s a good girl and I feel sorry for her, but I am and have always been on your side, Nao.”

He could feel the corners of his eyes feel hot at her words.

Maybe he had been longing for those words. Maybe he had been wanting for someone, anyone, to tell him that he should pursue what he wanted, to push his back when he was down. He needed some sort of proof, some sort of justification that he what he was doing truly was for his happiness and not just a path to self-destruction.

He had wanted someone on his side.

And of course, who else but Yuki could be that?

“Thank you, Yuki.”

Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for being my sister, my mother, and most importantly, the one person who could unconditionally love him.

She lifted her head and he was not surprised to see that her eyes were filled with tears. He was this close to it, so it was not unreasonable to assume that she had already passed her limit and could not hold back any longer.

“Auaaa!” Perhaps sensing their turmoil, the baby started yelling out gibberish at them, almost as if he was telling them to dry their tears.

“He’s telling you he’s on your side too.” She smiled. “...The things you do when you push yourself are usually correct...but...this time, please, I’m begging you, talk to me if you can’t handle it alone. Know that you have a place to come back to if it all fails.”

She drew near and brought him into a hug, the child in her hands giggling as they sandwiched him. She patted his hair softly, just like she did when they were kids even though he was taller than her now and he felt like he was reverting back to being that wide eyed kid that trailed behind her. He clasped onto her sleeve and buried his head into her shoulders, embracing the hug that she gave him. It had been awhile since he had felt the warmth of another human being and he hadn’t realized how much he had missed it.

“Nao...When you two came to my wedding and I threw the bouquet. Remember how Inko was the one to catch it? I was happy then.”

His grip on her tightened and he mumbled. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, it was my own selfish desire. But...next time, let me be the one to attend your wedding, okay? Even if he’s the one throwing it, I’ll make sure I’ll be the one to catch the bouquet.”

He softly smiled. “Isn’t that ruining the romanticism of the practice? I’ll tell your husband.”

Not responding, she simply laughed and hugged him closer. The child in her arms grabbed onto his shirt as well. They were both clinging onto him and telling him that he was still loved.

“My happiness is that I was given the honor of being your sister twice.”

And it went the same for him.

 

He was glad that he was born as Kaizuka Inaho.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

March 11, 2019.

“What?” His voice sounded uncharacteristically shocked. He really had opened up more and showed these slivers of emotion even in his voice now. It was a good thing and it separated him from that man.

“I said, I might not be able to call for a while.” Slaine spoke slowly into the receiver.

“...Why?”

Was it just him or did Inaho sound like an abandoned puppy? He smiled at the image of Inaho as a puppy ditched in an orange box on the side of the road. “My primary doctor is being transferred so I’m supposed to start sessions with the new one tomorrow.”

“And it brings that many new changes?”

“He’s...apparently a bit on the over-zealous side.” He didn’t mention how his drugs were all being changed as well.

Inaho didn’t respond and Slaine almost thought for a second that he had hung up. “Inaho?”

“Ah, yeah, yeah. When do you think you’ll be able to talk again?”

“...Let’s say two months, give or take.”

“I see...”

He wasn’t pushing for more information and Slaine once again smiled to himself in derisory. There was barely any time left for this call.

“Take care, okay?”

“You’re the one who needs to be careful. Eat properly.”

“I will, I will. You’re such a nag sometimes. Are you my mother?”

“...If you wanted me to be a replacement for your mother, I would.”

“That’s gross.”

“...”

“Inaho.”

“Yes?”

“Take care with Inko.” It surprised him that those words hurt him as he spoke. He thought that he had already abandoned that past, but it seems that he’s dragged along with it, just how he always has for such feelings. To the Empress, to Princess Lemrina, to Harklight, to Count Saazbaum. To Inaho.

“......”

But he was going to put an end to that now.

“Alright?”

It was time to let go.

“...I know. I will.”

It was time to say goodbye.

“Good.”

It was time to set them free.

 

Slaine Troyard will meet his end.

 

So...you won’t mind one last selfish request, right?

“Inaho.”

“Yes, Slaine?”

His cheeks naturally rose up at the sound of that voice calling his name. Inaho and Slaine. Not Orange and Bat. Not their ranks or their full names. It was just them.

Perhaps this will be cruel, but forgive him for that. It’s the last thing he’ll say to you as Slaine Troyard.

This was the last thing mark he could make.

“Time’s up so I have to go now.”

“I know, stay healthy and eat.”

“You’ve told me that already.”

“Well you just don’t seem to listen.”

He smiled and his fingers on the phone trembled. “Inaho.”

“Yes?”

 

“Slaine Troyard loved Kaizuka Inaho. Even if only for a little bit.”

 

Inaho didn’t respond and that was okay because he wasn’t looking for an answer. He just wanted to let him know.

“That’s what I think.” He smiled at how even after coming this far, to a point where he could not turn back, he still could not help himself from justifying his actions.

“Slaine, I—“

“Troyard.”

Time was up.

“Bye now, Inaho.” His voice sounded uncharacteristically sweet and it sickened him to the core.

So he hung up.

This was what he had wanted. This was the choice he had made. A choice he has made from the very beginning, from the moment that they had met and the moment he had given up. But, it was a bit lonely. He would be parting with him after all so that was natural and one of the few genuine things he has ever done. This was his will and his alone, so the person within can finally lay to rest now.

He slowly got up and left the phone on the counter.

He thought he saw a bird fly across the window, but it was gone before he knew it. It was too bad, it really was, but the chance he gave him had been lost. He had failed and now it was time to bow out gracefully.

The last goodbye had been made and he was finally, at long last, free.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

May 11, 2019.

Inko left.

She smiled and hugged him, all as she carried out her belongings from his apartment and left her key on the counter. It wasn’t much and it was then that he realized that she had been gradually reducing the number of things she had there in the first place. It wasn’t a sudden change of heart or an impulsive action. It was a definitive choice.

She apologized to him and he apologized back. She said he was never hers in the first place and he was strong enough that she didn’t need to try to make him happy for two lifetimes.

Then, she said goodbye.

And he had never realized till then how empty his home was.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

May 11, 2020.

Just how long has he been waiting for this very date?

For the past year, he’s been counting down every single day. Marking the calendar without fail. His nerves eating him more and more the closer it approached.

He’s not sure if what he’s doing is the right thing. Rather, he’s probably in the wrong. He has to be in the wrong. That could be certain after all the hearts he had to break and all the people he had to disappoint to get to this point.

Would his younger self laugh at him?

Would _he_ laugh at him?

Life wasn’t like a fairytale; it never had been. If it had been, it would have never come to this. He had longed to be an adult, to have power, agency, more choices. He thought that becoming an adult would come with having more freedom. However, now that he has grown up, he sees the responsibilities that come with being one, even ones that he had not foreseen before.

Bills, fees, education, careers, obligation to society, politics, the struggle of daily life.

Relationships with family, friends, lovers.

You couldn’t just think about yourself. You were a cog in a machine, a figure in someone’s life, a mentor to some, an enemy to another. Your actions didn’t only affect yourself and as a functional member of the society you lived in, you had to keep that in mind with every aching step you took.

He didn’t have the power to change the world. Just what have these hands protected?

But, he has vowed from now to protect the owner of the hands he’s been reaching out to for so long.

This was the fruition of his resolve.

May 11, 2020.

The day he’s waited so long for. The day he wished would never come. The day he so achingly longed for.

He truly has nothing.

But that also meant that nothing was tying him down, chaining him to the ground.

 

Now, stand tall and take that step forward, Kaizuka Inaho.

 

The time has come for the end of your first love.

 

“I’ve come for you, Slaine Troyard.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He stood frozen at place at the bottom of the staircase, looking up at the building with the great letters spelling out exactly what type of place this was. He willed himself to move, but his legs felt like they were cemented with concrete. The rain fell down onto his face, dampening his clothes and hair.

To his surprise, the doors to the building opened up and his heart stopped and his breath caught in his throat.

Pale, blond hair appeared behind those heavy doors. Skin as white as snow, yet looking healthy. A thin frame, but tall and filled with strength.

Beautiful blue eyes.

Slaine. Slaine...Slaine.

His shoulders were lifted of the weight upon them and he felt that at this very moment, everything was worth it. Everything he had done had been for this moment, for this cause. All to meet him again.

It had been hard, yes, but none of that mattered anymore, because Slaine was right there. Slaine was right there in front of him, standing at the top of these stairs and all he had to do to reach him now was not maneuver through a battle, but to take these aching steps up these simple stairs.

Those blue eyes were focused on at the sky, a small smile gracing his features, before they turned to him.

He couldn’t say anything.

His mind told him to scream his name.

Slaine, Slaine! Isn’t that name the one you’ve wanted to say for so long? Is that not the one you’ve wanted to embrace this entire time?

They stared at each other for what seemed to be forever before Slaine was tackled by a small girl, her blond hair glowing like pure gold in the light.

And he recognized that hair.

He recognized those green eyes.

He recognized those innocent looks and almost blindingly bright smile.

 

“Slaine, wait for me!”

 

He recognized that voice that almost like the sweet chirping of birds.

 

“Sorry, Seylum.” Slaine laughed as he patted her golden blond hair. She still hadn’t let go and continued clinging onto his leg.

 

 

Asseylum Vers Allusia.

 

 

His hands shook and his parched throat felt like it had been lit on fire. Yet the rest of his body felt like it had been doused with freezing cold water.

A woman appeared from the doors with a man following behind her. “Slaine, you’ll get wet. Use this umbrella.”

She looked strikingly similar to Slaine, with the same cat like eyes and pale blond hair. The man looked more like Asseylum, but he did not look like Slaine’s father. It was then that he realized that she was Slaine’s biological mother and the man was more than likely Asseylum’s father.

Slaine had said that he hardly remembered her because she had left when he was young, but here she was now.

Accepting a black umbrella from her, he opened it up, and then picked up Asseylum into his arms, smiling at her. “You can stay under with me.”

“Yay!” She giggled as she wrapped her small arms around his neck and he smiled at her antics. And Inaho knew that that smile was a genuine one.

“Let’s go home then.” The man chuckled as he opened up another umbrella for his wife.

“Yeah, you have to see my room! We can sleep in the same bed, Slaine. And you can read me bedtime stories!” Asseylum squeezed her arms around him tighter. Their parents lightly laughed at the interaction between them as all four of them walked together down the steps.

He couldn’t speak.

He couldn’t move.

They passed by him.

Slaine didn’t even look his way. Only Asseylum stared at him from her position on his shoulders, her green eyes almost flashing across the rain.

 

What was he supposed to do?

He had come all this way.

He had sacrificed so much.

He had done so much without telling him a thing.

All for what? All for him. So he could make him happy, so he could stay by his side, so he could tell him that he was not alone.

But, what now?

Slaine wasn’t alone. Slaine had someone by his side.

Slaine was happy.

He had wanted family, he had missed his mother, he had longed for the Empress.

He had it now! He had everything he had wanted now!

 

 

The Empress had wanted him to free Slaine the chains of misery and he had failed! Now, she was going to be the one to do it, she was taking things into her own hands like she has always done.

 

 

He had known it from the start.

Kaizuka Inaho was never the one to save Slaine Troyard. He never would be.

 

 

It would be Asseylum.

 

 

It had always been Asseylum.

 

 

She was the sun to his moon and as one unable to leave the depths of Earth, he could only watch as they shone brightly for each other in the sky.

 

 

What could he do for him now? There was nothing, absolutely nothing that he could give that someone else couldn't give more. In fact, it would be better if he didn’t get involved, nothing good would come from bringing back the past and that was clear since that day many years ago.

Slaine didn’t look at him, didn't even spare him a glance with those eyes, and was that not proof enough?

He could not give him a mother’s unconditional love.

He could not give him light and purpose to his life like Asseylum did.

But, now he had them both.

 

 

 

Was this not a happy ending?

 

 

 

Is this not how things should be?

Slaine could start from zero again.

He would be given the pure and steadfast support that he needed.

Was this not a happy ending to a story of hardships?

He clenched his fists.

What resolve? Is this your resolve? Yes! Your resolve was for Slaine’s happiness and this is it!

Weren’t you able to give up easily? You just wanted your loved ones happy and sound. It didn’t matter if it was by your hand or if you were right there by their side as they achieved happiness.

Congratulations, Kaizuka Inaho, you have accomplished your task. Your goal has been met and it is time for you to bow out gracefully.

 

 _He_ is happy.

Thus, you should be too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Excuse me?”

He whipped his head around and there in front of him in the rain was Slaine. And Asseylum still situated in his arms. She held out an umbrella to him.

“You seemed to not have an umbrella so...” Slaine started off awkwardly.

“So you can have this one.” Asseylum finished for him.

He stared numbly at the outstretched umbrella. It had ears peeking out from it on the sides.

Slaine blushed a little. “Ah, it’s an old one from when I was in high school so I apologize if it’s a bit childish.”

Asseylum pushed the umbrella into his hands and he stiffly accepted it, the rain still pouring down his face.

“...Thank you.” He didn't know how his vocal chords moved.

Asseylum smiled brightly, almost lighting up the air as she did, and then motioned for them to go, but Slaine didn’t move. He fidgeted a bit before opening his mouth to speak. “Are...you visiting someone?”

“...I guess you could say that.”

Slaine looked like he was for a loss of words, but he shook his head and when he opened up his beautiful eyes, they were filled with determination. “I’m sure they’ll be happy to see you! Many people there don’t get visitors...I was lucky my family came to visit me often. So, I know how awful it feels to be there alone. So, I’m sure! They’ll be happy if you go see them!”

So did that mean that Slaine had wanted him to visit?

“...Do you really think so?”

Would he be happy even if he still tried now? If he kept running on after the race was long over?

“Of course!” He smiled brightly and Inaho’s heart felt as if someone had grabbed it and wouldn’t let go. They would never, ever let go.

“Slaine, we have to go. Dinner’s waiting.” Asseylum pouted and rubbed her white cheek against his.

“Ah, yes! Sorry, but we have to get going now.” Slaine bowed before turning around, his own black umbrella blocking both sets of blond hair.

He stared as they walked away to where their parents were waiting in front of the expensive car he had seen earlier.

He knew he was in the wrong. He had to be in the wrong. But, this is what made him himself. This was resolve. This was his resolve.

 

And his resolve was to pursue his own happiness.

 

And his happiness...His happy ending was being with Slaine Troyard.

 

So he would chase after him. He would chase after him and refuse to let go because that was what made him happy.

Not for Slaine’s sake, not for Asseylum’s wish, not to bring results to his efforts up until now. Not to bring meaning to the hearts he's had to step on and the people he's had to turn away.

But, because he didn't want to regret in the very last moments of life. Because he didn't want to despair like that man did. Because he wasn't him and he knew what completed him.

So he smiled wider than he's ever had as he walked straight into a trap made specially for him. He smiled even as he was the only one remaining at the battle grounds.

 

He smiled because he wasn't letting go and it would be with these very hands that he would catch him at long last.

 

 

  
 

 

 

 

 

Now, stand tall and take that step forward, Kaizuka Inaho.

 

 

The time to say goodbye to your first love has come...and passed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Author notes here: https://goo.gl/kBJTqV


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